If you know anything about me by now, it is that I write about topics that inspire, challenge, or even scare me.  I don’t usually have the dreaded “writer’s block” because it seems one of these categories reveals itself to me in one way or another every day.  I’ve written about pain before, but recently I saw it face to face and it prompted me to investigate it again.  I had one question that kept bouncing around in my head.

Why?  Why do we have to acknowledge pain when we don’t want it; when we don’t want others to have it; when it is sudden, debilitating, or undeserved?

Then, I realized the truth, even though I didn’t want to admit it. Pain has a purpose. That doesn’t mean I like it any better or that it scares me any less.  It just means that if I stick with my martial arts wisdom, and the positive mindset that I promote so frequently, then I must accept that pain, like all things, happens for a reason.

Conundrum

There are many conundrums in life.  Difficulties, dilemmas, and quandaries occur all the time. You have to face a battlefield of obstacles and negativity just to get going in the morning.  Before you travel to work you are reminded of all the bad news that happened when you were getting your beauty rest.  It’s tough to deal with the hardships, bad news, and the ups and downs of daily life.Personally, I’m sensitive to bad news and to being barraged with drama all the time. Add some painful experience on top of that and you’ve really hit me pretty hard.

This is one fight for which I have not yet discovered a suitable defense.

There are different kinds of painful experiences. Some are positive and hopeful, like childbirth; some are sorrowful such as suffering; some are draining and have long recoveries.  There’s no way to get around that.

Even though pain serves a purpose, it is still the biggest conundrum there is.

Purpose #1:  Compassion

Ah!  The struggle to cope when you witness a loved one in pain.  If you are healthy, you probably feel, or maybe have even said to this person, “I wish I could have the pain instead.”  It’s really difficult to watch someone work through physical pain.  As a mother, I know I would gladly take on the pain of my children, if I could.

Maybe you have a spouse, a friend, a lover, or a family member in the midst of pain. You suddenly are thrown in a situation that requires a type of compassion you’ve never felt before. My oldest son had two ACL tears on the same knee.  He went through two difficult surgeries with very strenuous recoveries.  The first time the pain medicine didn’t seem to work well.  It was really awful to watch him struggle until we got it under control.  My next to oldest son just had oral surgery that was extensive.  Along with the normal number of wisdom teeth, he had extras, and on top of that they hovered just about the nerve line in his jaw and some were layered on top of others and sideways.  He also had to cope with a lot of pain.  My third son went roller skating a couple of years back and someone crashed into him.  When I saw his face, I knew his arm was broken.

I have compassion and a mother’s love, but none of that relieves pain. There’s really no way to “kill” it.  As a martial artist, I wish I could just kick the wind out of it, stop pain dead in its tracks, and send it on its merry way when it comes to someone I love.  I’d be willing to forego the head-gear and jump in the ring with it and fight it with my bare hands to the bitter end if it meant relief from pain for someone I love.  But, it doesn’t work that way.

Someone explained to me that pain medications don’t kill pain either; they just give you crazy, loopy, don’t-care-about-anything kind of relief. To me, that is difficult and funny at the same time.  Both my sons said some very funny things when the pain killers were in action.  And so I would find myself crying from heartbreak and laughing at the same time. It was a relief to know they were not feeling pain, but I struggled with trying to find my real sons beneath the layers of medicine.

Perhaps it was that first time I watched my child in pain during my oldest son’s surgery that I felt true, sincere, motherly compassion.  It’s a feeling I would not exchange and I believe it is part of the purpose.  It reminded me how much I am capable of loving another person.  Watching pain engulf him made me love him more than ever before and I will never take for granted that kind of love again.

Purpose #2:  Little Pain Increases Tolerances

Clearly, in the  martial arts, there are elements of pain.  Just the other day my husband and I were practicing ju jitsu and I had to demonstrate the escape.  He didn’t realize he was holding on so tightly, and I practically had to really perform the escape! I struggled to get my face out from a sleeper type hold.  I tucked my chin but still had to pull his arm over my face and my nose and darn, it hurt!

That little bit of discomfort reminded me that the escape worked and it also reminded me that I’m strong enough to deal with some aspects of pain.  Good to know.  What if I get hurt or something happens when I’m not able to get immediate help?  What if I have to endure a little pain to overcome something or break through something or jump out of something, unexpectedly?

In point sparring, kids and adults sometimes hit too hard or get tangled up.  Most just shake it off or stop for a minute and re-group. Then, they give the ready sign and start again.  Kids recover more quickly than adults.  Their small doses of pain extinguish quickly.  One minute they are icing up a little bump, the next they are jumping around again.

One day, little pains will not mean anything to them.  Then, big pains will be easier to face.

Purpose #3:  Pain reminds you to protect

A bump here, a strike there.  Pain reminds you to protect, cover, or guard and when you do those things you become better at your martial art.

I often see posts on social media of bruises or injuries from those practicing some full-stride karate work.  In martial arts, pain, in certain circumstances, is almost celebrated!  “Look what happened to me in class!”the posts read.  Pain is accepted and acknowledged and can be a right of passage. Feeling resistance, knowing your limits, and understanding pain are all important concepts that should be part of karate training.

Once you feel it, you’ll do what you can to avoid it, protect yourself, and take guard both in class and in life.

Purpose #4:  Learning to Use Breath

I’ve had my share of pain.  Three natural childbirths might count.  I know what helped me through the pain with absolutely no medicine.  It wasn’t the screaming (ha! there was none of that!); and it wasn’t the hand holding or the excitement of bringing a new baby into the world.  I used an age-old method of pain relief, and while it didn’t take the pain away, it did help to control it.

I used the power of breathing.

As one contraction turned to the next, I was able to program my breathing to counteract the pain.  I was so engrossed in thinking about the breathing that I focused on it more than I did on the pain.  In a way, it was good to feel everything without being medicated or groggy or numb. It was an awareness that sits deep in the soul.  Pain combined with hope and new life has meaning.  It is sincere.  It is commendable.  It is worth it.

Once you know you’ve felt a true and succinct type of pain and mastered it, you know you can do anything.  That’s what childbirth pain did for me.

I use breath for recovery in other instances and I try to show others how to use it, too.  Whenever one of my children is in pain, or a student has an unexpected bout of pain in class, I always turn to breath.  “Breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth.  Slow it down,” I say.

Partly listening to my voice and partly paying attention makes them whole again.

For the youngest, when they get a scratch or an injury, I also use breath, but not in the way you may think. I take their little hand in mine and blow a breath onto the sore spot.  A moment or two later  they miraculously feel better.  The little healing breath drifts from my lips to their injury in a sense of calm.  In that moment the healing took place. No, I’m not some kind of witch or miracle healer or something!  The breath does nothing but help them focus on something other than the hurt. There’s no healing power except kindness disguised as a breath.

I Feel Better

Well, talking about pain’s purpose does help.  When I try to put it in perspective it almost makes sense.  There will always be pain that cannot be explained and whose lessons are hidden, like cancer or other illnesses.  For those examples, pain can’t be so easily defined.  But, for the other situations (wanting to carry another’s burden; using breath to carry you through; trying to understand your own pain limits; or allowing pain to simply be a reminder) you can find pain’s purpose.

Don’t let pain rule.  The minute you step into a space of fear or dread when pain is involved is the moment that pain wins.  That is completely against my motto!

Pain’s purpose is not easy to decipher; but when you figure it out you are closer to understanding out how to Win at Life.

Andrea