You always need to be aware of what you say on social media.  It’s impact can spread far and wide. I find that very refreshing and very scary at the same time, based on what happened to me once already.

Words can express emotions and feelings, give guidance, be convincing, share insights and describe beauty in intricate detail.  They can be generous and caring and thoughtful.  They can be said or written.  They can  encourage someone, or help them through a tough time.  You never know how your choice of words and your form of expression can help others or make them feel better.

That is why being positive is so important.  It is good for you and your good intent helps others, too. It’s great, except that it’s not always good words that are shared. In fact, harmful and hateful words  spread much faster than their good counterparts.  This is a warning to you that even if you are the most positive, helpful person in the world, you are still vulnerable to being exposed as a terrible person.

This happened not too long ago when I wrote a blog on behalf of a disabled individual. The words were his because he’s been waiting all his life to tell them. He found my blog, called me, and asked if he shared his story would I write in my blog about it.  I did what he asked.  He is disabled so he was unable to write the story himself.  A group of haters identified me as a manipulator who was using disabled people as inspiration.  They instantly bashed me as taking advantage of the person about whom the post was written, and their hate gathered momentum until people didn’t even read the blog post, just the comments, and proceeded to continually swear at me and throw hate.

I was stunned. If you read any of my blog posts you would know that I have no ties to writing about disabled people as inspiration. I did this as a favor. I couldn’t help but wonder:

What?  These are his words, not mine.  He begged me to write this to share his story.  I have no intent of using anyone but myself as inspiration.

I took time away from my regular blogging to listen to his story, take notes, write it, and have him review it.  I never expected it to roll like a tumbleweed into a hateful crowd who accused me vehemently of taking advantage of a disabled individual.  I only wrote the story to be his mouthpiece because he could not do it himself. There was no personal gain for me. It all backfired dreadfully.  Eventually, I pulled the post, and I guess, I pulled his dream back, too. How ironic that, as his storyteller, in his words, I was accused of taking advantage of him.

It bothered me a lot.  For a whole day I struggled with my own hate and bewilderment.  Soon, though, I decided something, and this is a very important lesson:  know your intent and be true to you and that is all you ever need to do.

A great friend of mine who has researched a lot about blogging told me that reaching a group of “haters” in your blog is actually a milestone.  No great bloggers have been untouched.  In that case, “hooray!”  I knew there was a reason somewhere. I knew that I must always stay true and never apologize for sharing a purposeful or powerful message.

I allowed these hateful words and intent to ruin my day, but not my life and that’s what everyone struck by Internet hate or bullying must do.

Confirm Your Purpose

It took me a big part of my life to realize that my opinion is valid and if I want to share it on my own blog, then that is okay, too.  I think it is called…Freedom of Speech.  I decided to use that freedom to impart some of the wisdom I’ve gained through a lifetime in martial arts.  I’ve used social media to spread the word as far as I can:  Facebook, Twitter, Google+, and LinkedIn.  I have one purpose really, and that is to help others lead a better life. No one else on this planet knows what I think, feel, or want to say.  How they misconstrue or misinterpret my words is up to them but I will stay steadfast.

It’s the same in life, isn’t it?  You can be a great, kind person, but someone will make fun of you or spread unkind words.  That is not who you are, but others start to see you in a negative light.  It’s out of your control.  How do you deal with this?  There’s only one way.

Stay true to you.

My Mistake

So, I was initially mistaken about the power of words.  I thought they were powerful in a positive, reflective and helpful way; but they work at a much higher intensity when negativity is involved.  Just as your own issues or problems are magnified through negativity, negative words multiply quickly and create an atmosphere that is far beyond your control.

I don’t blame social media.  Social media outlets are a conduit for people.  People choose what they say and certainly “bullying” exists because of people, not social media.   It is not a computer or a smart phone that elicits comments that are hurtful and mean or driven by disgust, it is people; people who have decided, on their own, that someone’s “intent” and “opinion” deserves bashing.  People who twist good intent into malicious intent and allow their opinion to multiply out of control into the Internet world, to mock and criticize.

Do I need to live in fear that someone will completely twist my words into something horrible?  No, because I know my intent.

You have every right to read and even comment on a blog.  It’s out there on the web, available for all.  When I write, I know it can travel to anywhere on the globe, depending on who shares it. That is the risk I am willing to take. Blogging requires somewhat of a thick skin and so does living your life.  When the negativity comes your way you need to decide if it is going to affect you and mess with your purpose and your intent.  You have to remain focused, as always, on the positive.  There are many, many people out there who need and want to hear a positive message.  I use martial arts as a powerful word-play in my blogs combined with uplifting thoughts and genuine messages to make content interesting and unique.  That’s my thing and I will continue.

It is unfortunate and ironic that negativity is part of a blogging sphere, especially when the topic of the blog is about inspiration, positive messages, and tidbits on how to find happiness.  Words are the most powerful tool and it is a responsibility to use them to not destruct, but to build.  Freedom of Speech has no filter, unfortunately.  It can work for or against you.  Even when it is working against you, there is a reason and a purpose and it’s up to you to distinguish how to use it; lash back or remain professional and positive.

I think you know what I choose.

Cyber-Bully Relationship

I finally understand why young children or teens who are bullied on the Internet feel worthless and forsaken.  As an adult it took me a few minutes to regroup, and it took a lot of thought and effort to finally realize that I have every right to say what I want here and be who I am, even if I am disliked for my opinion.  A child or a teen does not have that level of confidence or discernment when others bash or harass them on the Internet.

Now that I understand that negative comments really mean that my blog is spreading into various corners of the world beyond my backyard, I understand that opinions will also be vast and various.  I realize, while it felt very unsettling at first, that it is just part of the growth and recognition that comes with being a blogger who is trying to make a difference in the world.

It is important for me to remind you to stay true to who you are.  There will always be negativity and arguments swirling about you and your intent may be misconstrued at times.  Instead of being angry, what can you learn from it?  For me, perhaps in the midst of controversy, someone will read my blog and find something right and good and useful about it.  Then, friends, it is all worth it.

I love words.  I will never stop writing them for fear that someone will take them out of context.  I have a calling and a mission to share what I’ve learned.  I will never always say things exactly right.  I will always have a typo, miss a word, or write a thought that doesn’t make sense.  Can you pluck a sentence out of any of my blogs and make it sound awful?  Sure, but why?

Always remain true to who you are, even when someone misunderstands you.  Don’t apologize just because someone disagrees with you.  You have every right to be exactly who you want to be.  While I can’t erase any of the comments others share on their social media, I know my purpose and that is all that matters.

If a cyber bully or hater infiltrates your world, let it go.  It might ruin your day, but don’t let it ruin your life.

Andrea