I was at an event recently with a bunch of families and had time to sit with some of the moms with whom I don’t often get the chance to talk.  We have children of varying ages and are varying ages ourselves and yet we share the same bond of motherhood. We shared thoughts and questioned if we made all the right decisions with our children.  We compared stories of how we thought our disciplined approaches did or did not work.  We shared encouraging advice.  The one conclusion we all made, deep in our hearts, is that motherhood is a blessing and a lot of work.

It is loving work that is hands-on.  It is loving work that carries a good bit of heartache.  There are ups and downs, do’s and dont’s.  There are good days and bad, but mostly good.  And, it all takes a lot of effort; the kind of effort that is magnified by a mother’s love and a deep sense of commitment and responsibility.

As regrets popped up, I reminded them that there is no changing the past and if we can change anything about the future it should be to stop constantly questioning ourselves.  If we can change anything about our pursuit of motherhood, it should be that we promise to not dwell on regrets.

Black Belt In Motherhood

Motherhood is so very much like earning rank in martial arts.  From white belt to black the journey is amazing, tedious, frustrating, wonderful and difficult.  There are tests. So many tests.  There is dedication that never wanes and continual perseverance.  You start off knowing nothing.  You end up learning a lot.

My black belt motherhood story talks about a baby boy.  It could be a girl.  It could your story.  If you are a mother, you know how I feel.

Years of Training

You bring your baby home from the hospital not knowing exactly how to change his diaper or swaddle him tightly in the little baby blanket.  Bottles to be readied, sleepless nights.  The smell of joy in the fuzzy hair on your baby’s head.  White Belt Mama.

Lot’s of hugs and kisses makes a baby grow!  Before you know it, he’s ready for school.  Little sneakers with tight laces.  Checkered boy clothes that button up front.  Now, when he drops a cookie, you don’t freak out anymore.  The 3 second rule kicks in.   Yellow Belt Mama.

He starts to grow into this magnificent being.  Smart and funny.  He likes to play and you get down on the floor and smile as you roll trucks together.  A cookie and some milk.  A glorious nap and everyone feels fine again.  You smother him with happiness.  Love him with all your heart.  You see his personality emerge and you adore it.  At night, you kiss him goodnight and he hugs you back.  A quiet story and everyone falls to sleep.  Green Belt Mama.

Wow, he’s getting big.  A new school.  Lots of friends.  Birthday parties and footballs and smelly socks in the laundry.  He doesn’t need you anymore for the small stuff.  Of course he can wash his own hair.  His room is a mess half the time.  You clean it up still because you want the best for him.  He has friends over in the family room.  Video games and popcorn all spread out on the floor.  Their boy steps crash up the stairs.  You say goodnight with a quick kiss and close the door.  He sleeps into his next phase of life while you watch.  Blue Belt Mama.

What?  High school already?  Dances and driving and grades.  The boys still come over to make a mess but they are bigger, almost like men, and your son is, too.  Hard to believe he towers over you.  You warn.  Out too late and privileges will be removed.  But he’s good and shows up home on time.  Don’t make the same mistakes I made, you bellow.  He doesn’t.  He’s smarter than that.  On occasion you lose your temper.  The mess!  The laundry!  The food all over the kitchen! You clean it up and let it be until the next time.  College choices.  Life decisions.  It happens all too fast.  Brown Belt Mama.

On his own.  How the house has grown quiet.  A mother’s love stands strong and firm in a foundation that never crumbles.  Soon he’ll be home for the holidays.  Soon he’ll have a degree.  One day soon he will find a wife and have a family.  Your mothering was crucial in his upbringing.  Your love was perfectly synchronized with the person he is meant to be.  He smiles at you and wraps his arm around you and reminds you that you are the most amazing person in the whole world.  A kiss on the cheek and he’s gone again.  Heartache each time, but that’s the sign of a mother’s love.  Black belt Mama.

Shared Sentiments

As the women and I sat together talking I clearly saw their black belts, but they did not.  It takes time to ever recognize that you have earned such a coveted reward.  It takes time to realize that your role as a mother can never be topped by any other role you will ever play.  The black belt is there, but there is also nothing wrong with being a white belt mother, either.  In fact, it’s when most of the learning about motherhood takes place.  Sometimes I wish I could stay a white belt mama forever.

For all the moms out there, you are special.  You kids won’t see it all the time.  Mayby not now.  But some day, when you see their success and their happiness, you will understand what you have accomplished.  No matter what belt rank in motherhood you have right now, as long as you practice your mothering art, you are on your way to the highest rank ever- Black Belt Mama.

xoxo

Andrea