NO!

I’m asked on occasion to volunteer for different events or activities.  There comes a time when I have to say “no” to something.

I’m not comfortable saying “no.”  If someone needs something, I should be there, ready and willing to help.  That is what my heart says anyway.  Maybe that’s one of my human flaws, thinking that I can change every bad situation, repair every broken heart, and mend the discrepancies and issues that drive us apart.  In an earlier time of my life, when things were simpler, I could tackle these events with fervor.  Now, with all my  responsibilities in life, such as family and career, financial burdens and volunteer efforts already established, saying “no” is difficult, but necessary.

I’ve learned an important lesson about me, though.  Saying “no” does not mean I don’t care.  It doesn’t mean that I have no interest or don’t truly, deep down, want to help.  I’ve learned to modify “no” into my own form of “yes.”   I can’t help everyone and I still struggle with trying to funnel everything into an available place in my life, but through my blog I can reach out in a different kind of way.

I decided back in March to say “no” to many of my continuous volunteer efforts outside of my home and decided to blog instead.  I now prefer to accept one-time engagements such as an afternoon self-defense class, a karate demo, or marching in a parade instead of long-lasting volunteer commitments.  It seems to be working.  I still feel I’m committing a good amount of time to positive outreach in my community this way.

THE AUDIENCE

As I blog more and more about martial arts philosophy and karate related topics, I gain different audiences.  I’m never sure to whom the next blog should be addressed:  those seeking some daily inspiration to overcome difficulties and personal obstacles; or, martial artists still searching for answers to some of the questions only a twenty-five year veteran can provide. Some readers are crossovers.  They read it all.  Some comment every time.  Readers and commenters alike encourage me to continue sharing karate-related motivation.

As my audience builds, I receive e-mails, references, and telephone calls from others who have overcome great odds to persevere.  I am amazed at some of the inspiration and hope that emanates from their lives and their stories.  I willingly answer, talk, and pray with these people.  I open my heart immediately, which leaves me vulnerable, but I don’t know any other way than to let others know how much I really do care about them.  Everyone deserves a person to whom to turn when a moment feels bitter or a situation becomes uncertain.

My blog posts are there for you, when in doubt, when frustrated, or when searching for encouragement.  Sharing my listening ear and my storytelling is part of my volunteerism, my passion, and my calling.

So, you know my story.  What’s yours?  How do you participate in the world and what do others mean to you?  Are you contributing in the way that you were meant to?  Are you carrying a little of the weight, some of the burden of making life better not just for yourself but for others?  If not, it is time you take up a little of the slack.  Think about it.

LETTING GO

No, I can’t do everything.  I can’t change our world in big ways, but like you, bit by bit, I can touch another heart.  I can let you know how important you are; that you are necessary to the world and you are deserving of happiness and hope, no matter what you are facing today.

I will continue to say “no” when I have to.  It will never sit well with me, but I will instead mold “no” into a blog post where I can touch as many lives as possible.  People will still ask me to help and I will have to face the fact that I can spread myself only so thinly.  I will listen to every request that comes my way, every story that is shared.

Saying “no” is so difficult.  If I’ve ever said “no” to you, just know that your request touched me and I made good use of it, somewhere and somehow.  Nothing goes unnoticed, nothing remains unseen.  Every “no” is a new opportunity for me to write a blog or discover more about myself.  Every “no” is another reason for me to think about how I can make a difference, in some other small way, for you and for me.

You can do your part.  Be a listening ear, reach out, help someone, share your talents.  It’s rewarding and it’s part of your responsibility.  It’s easy.  Just tonight in my workout class a new person arrived.  He was looking around a little confused as to where the equipment was located or what he needed to get ready for the class.  I smiled, told him what he needed to know, and he was relieved and happy that someone gave him a little help.  I helped someone in one small way.  It required little time and little effort.

Maybe that’s not a “volunteer” effort or even a sharing of a “talent,” but anything that you do or say can work negatively or positively in your community which makes an impact.  I could have said nothing to the newcomer, which basically is what most people would do, but instead I thought about how he might feel.

It’s true that 20% volunteer, donate, give over and over and the other 80%…well, I’m not sure what they do.  If you fall in the 80%, then here is your chance to make a real change.  Don’t let the 20% carry the weight.  If you say “yes” more often, then I won’t have to say “no” as often.  When you start to chip in a little, give of yourself beyond your own desires, you lessen the burden of those who do it all the time.  Knowing you are truly making a difference is a reward you will cherish.

You can share whatever you enjoy or love.  Clearly, I enjoy writing and love martial arts.  I found a way to bundle my passions and enjoyments  into one effort.  I can promote a positive mindset and the martial arts in my own way and it benefits you and  a community of readers.

If you make a few small changes, the 80/20 rule will start to diminish.  Yes, volunteerism, in its literal sense is not “required,” but that is not how I see it.  I believe you have a responsibility to share of yourself and to be giving in some way.  It can be as simple as telling someone how beautiful they are, to hugging someone who is feeling a little down, to sending a heartfelt message, to writing three blog posts a week with a positive message for others.

No matter where you live or what you do, there is something inside you that yearns for more.  If you cannot figure out what that feeling is, then try sharing of yourself and see where it leads. For me, whenever someone mentions my blog in a positive way, I am renewed and refreshed.  When something is meant to be, it simply falls into place.

What I wish for you is that you find the same kind of satisfaction and peace through sharing your talents and treasures that I have found.

You may not realize it, but your dreams and aspirations can guide you throughout your life.  They may not come to fruition the way you had planned (I was always a writer-type person, but never expected to be a karate or motivational writer), but they will flourish if you let them.

Today, make an immediate change, take a risk, step outside the box and help me break the 80/20 rule.  Start to embrace your calling and turn responsibility into opportunity.  I believe you will find exactly for what you’ve always been looking.  I believe you will find yourself one step closer to Winning at Life.

Andrea