We got a new dog last week from the animal shelter.  He’s a cute yellow Labrador Retriever  mix and is around six years old.  This, after my daughter, begged for months that we get a family dog that she could take care of and love. Buddy is a great dog and very affectionate.  Recently, however, he broke free from his leash and we couldn’t find him out on our five acres of land, some of which is brush.  Our last dog, Rosie, escaped, too, and ran out onto the highway and was hit by a truck and died a few years ago. This thought was still fresh in our minds as we scoured the land for Buddy.

My daughter was heartbroken to not be able to see where Buddy was.  She was distraught as Buddy busily weaved his way in and out of trees.  We tried to catch him, but like any dog, he kept slipping away. He jumped in the pond and so it was impossible to grab him there.  We could hear him swimming  as the water splashed around him with each doggy paddle. He was having a great time.  We were worried about him working his way to the highway so we went up front and closed the big gate.

In the meantime, my oldest son came home.  He and my daughter have always shared a close bond because of the 9 years difference in their ages.  He saw her crying and I told him what happened and he ran into the wooded area near the pond, managed to find Buddy, and pulled the wet, muddy dog out from the brush and into the house. It was a hot, muggy Florida early evening and the mosquitoes were swarming but even that does not stand in love’s way.

That’s when I knew that he would do anything for his sister.  Anything to relinquish the tears. Anything, because he loves her.

As Buddy settled inside, my daughter sat with him and dried him with tears running down her face. “What would I do without him?” she lamented.

I responded, “Now you finally understand how I feel about you and your brothers, and why I worry at times, and how very much I love you.  I would do anything for you.”

“This… is what love feels like” I sighed.

The moment passed.

There were so many life lessons in that hour.  Like learning  skills in a martial art, relationships are a skill set for which there is no particular guide or manual or preparation.  What comes from the heart really matters.  Like mastering any karate technique, only practice does the trick. I’ve waiting for this moment for a long time…for this moment of clarity about love.

When you do something because of love, you do it for the right reasons.

If the basis for all relationships settled on the notion that “I would do anything for you,” such as my son’s diligence in dragging the dog back home for my daughter, I think the world would be a better place.  Relationships take a lot of skill and a lot of work.  No one ever stands in front of you and awards you a black belt for life or a black belt for love, but that is for what we should all be striving. For whom would you dash out into the backyard and safely return that which they love because you love them?

Martial arts have a lot to do with love.  They are the way I dash out into my backyard to bring something back to me.  At my age, no one is going to save me or restore me, except me. I have my own way of dealing with tragedies and sadness or theory and enlightenment.  I could have chosen any hobby or pastime to bring myself to a better place, but I chose karate.

Why?  Because just as in life, the true reward in martial arts is in the learning. In that moment when my daughter whispered, “What would I do without him?” she and I both experienced a huge learning moment.  From the experience of being loved, she learned how to love, and now, she understands love far better than ever before.

Martial arts are a slow exploration of self and of self-love.  You often see the physical application in pictures or on YouTube such as brilliantly performed katas, sword techniques, unbelievable kicks, and competitions.  To get anywhere near that place of pseudo-perfection, you need to believe in yourself. Through martial arts, practitioners develop a sense of self and what their mission is.  They stop on occasion and think, “what would I do without my martial art?” They don’t take their martial art for granted any longer.  They realize its impact on their life the lives of others.

When you are thrust into a situation where all of the boundaries of love turn into shaky, unsteady lines instead of the strong, bold lines of consistency that you crave, then you  become more aware. For my daughter, a dog taught her love’s deepest lesson.

Martial arts deepest lessons perhaps cannot even be described.  They are so specific to each student and instructor.  For whatever reason you choose to learn more about a martial art, the deepest reason is that you love yourself.  You want to become better at something.  You want to protect yourself or those you love.  You want to become more proficient.  You want to experience a tradition.  You want to become more fit.  You want to push personal boundaries. You want to achieve. You want to overcome. These are all fitting reasons with a heavy emphasis on bettering yourself.

After the dog scenario, things calmed down again at home.  Buddy eventually got a great bath and found a cool area on the floor into which he settled.  Eyes closed, drifting off this time into doggy sleep instead of doggy paddles, everything fell back into place. Such is life.  An explosion of frenzy when you least expect it, some out-of-the-way running around and then you find your comfort zone again.  Love never disappears, it just rises to the surface when it has to.

My martial arts journey started as a physical exercise, became a proficiency, evolved into a mindset, turned into a teaching experience, and now finds its way into words.  That is the evolution of love for my martial art and my growth as a person.

Once you find something in your life that clicks, something that just fits, then you have found a process for living better that you can use for the rest of your life.  Somewhere along the line, a life lesson about love will occur.  You’ll have to run out into the backyard of your life and retrieve that which is most important to you.  Developing strength of body and mind through a martial art or other passion will bring you success.  You will be able to find, wrangle, and subdue that which has gone awry. The most important part of all of that is to develop a life-long pattern of behavior that will help you overcome obstacles, both physical and mental, as they arise.

Recently I met a man who told me he earned a black belt in one year.  He explained that it was not the wimpy kind of martial art; in this kind they really fought full contact in sparring because that is reality.  Then, he said he hurt his back so much that it took a year to recuperate and he decided not to go back.  His only goal was to earn a black belt in a year and to full contact spar. While I applaud his determination and will, I also am sad he did not learn to fully appreciate what martial arts offer.

He is one kind of martial artist.  The other kind experiences a life-long journey of martial arts that never ends. I am a martial artist with a philosophical slant to my practice.  Some martial artists only focus on the physical but lack the mental.  In my opinion, the love of the martial art and the continuing evolution of self-love separates those who live with a martial art mindset and those who don’t. Those who love martial arts and all they have to offer have the responsibility of passing on what they know, and that’s why I’m here.

Buddy is an awesome addition to my family.  Without even knowing it, he taught a magnificent lesson about love which promptly reminded me why martial arts and life have so much in common.  It all funnels into one understanding, one life-lesson.

To Win at Life, all you need to do is connect the dots between love and martial arts.

Andrea