I’m part of many social networks where I blast my blogs, hoping people will read and find something interesting, helpful, or inspirational.  I share a lot about my life in these writings because it is from personal experience and through the use of a martial art mindset that I have gained a lot of my wisdom.  I know that what I’ve been through and what I have to say can help someone who is traveling a similar path, or is experiencing a similar obstacle.

Martial arts have some great benefits.  You’ve heard me talk about them many times.  For kids and adults, the focus, discipline, and self-defense concepts are an excellent output from a good martial arts program.  You will definitely learn a thing or two that may help to save your life someday, or may give you the confidence to be overlooked as a victim.  I love all of that about learning a martial art.  I love the good students who come to class eager to learn.  I love the chance to practice and to meet others with similar goals and aspirations.

It’s the martial arts bullies I hate.  Well, let me be politically correct.  I dislike their behaviors.

Who are these “bullies?”  Well, let me clarify.   They come in a few categories and I’m definitely not one of them.  I try to be a thoughtful, courteous martial artist.  There are good and bad martial artists, so don’t be surprised that the pristine world of beautiful martial arts also has its share of bullies.

Being a good martial artist has little to do with being bossy, superficial, or arrogant.  It’s important to be resilient, strong, quick, smart, determined, and committed, careful, thoughtful, and dedicated. A bully shouldn’t flourish in this environment, but at times he does.

Here’s what I think about the martial arts “bullies” out there!

1.  The first bully is the one who thinks his martial art is the ONLY one that’s worth anything.  

He says things like “my style has been around for centuries,” or  “I would never take THAT style!”

I “hate” to break the news to him, but the value of a martial art is based on the martial artist who learns it.  Sometimes it is not necessary that you learn one taught by a direct descendant of so-and-so, or that it is a pure, non-blended style, or has a specific lineage.  These bully martial artists like to make everyone else feel inferior about their styles, but the truth is, what works for you is not any less valuable than what he knows because it is important to you.

I learned a traditional style, but it had elements of other styles in it. I am happy that I did.  I can throw someone over my hip if I need to, or I can wiggle my hand out of a small, tight wrist grab.  It works for me.  It’s perfect for me.  It’s the best style…for me.

Someone recently condemned me for not knowing a pure martial art style and asked me “Don’t you want to learn it the right way?  Don’t you want to teach your students right and not wrong?”

Here’s what I’d like to ask him about being a “real” martial artist:

Did you save an unborn child using your martial art positive mindset?  Did you live in an unfinished house for five years, almost homeless, but use your martial art tenacity to pull through?  Did you almost adopt two of your karate students when their grandfather/caregiver died suddenly and left them abandoned?  Did you provide a free outreach to underprivileged kids for seven years by teaching them a martial art, no strings attached?

When you do all of those things, like I have, then you can ask me if I learned the right way.

2.  The next bully is the one who thinks if you don’t fight until blood sheds from you or your opponent, then you are not really practicing a martial art.

What?  Seriously?  How many of these tough martial artists have been attacked out of the blue?  How many were involved in altercations in the past?

If you want to be a professional fighter, that’s one thing.  If you want to spar, grapple, or fist fight, you can find a style for you. There are so many options that there is no need to get beat up in class just to learn a martial art.  Besides that, it’s not the big gruff, tough guys who need to worry as much about getting beat up or abducted or raped as much as the women and children.

I didn’t choose a martial art solely to learn defense.  In fact, I didn’t know what I wanted in the beginning.  It was close to home, had good instructors, and was reasonably priced.  Twenty-six years ago, there were no “comforts” in my dojo. There was no air conditioning, no fancy uniforms, and no fancy equipment.  You worked with a variety of partners, asked no questions, and never anticipated when you would test.  You sparred, but not to the point of literally hurting each other or to a knock-out.

I’m sure I’ll get some hate mail over this topic and that’s okay.  If this is the style of martial art that works for you, then fine.   All I ask is that the bully not exclaim to all of us that without bloodshed in class, we are not really learning a martial art.  Martial arts and self-defense are different.

Blood shed in a martial art class?  No one is going to bully me into that.

3.  The next bully is the one who walks around making sure everyone knows he/she is a martial artist. 

Look, if martial arts teach anything, they should include how to be humble. This goes hand in hand with peacemaking and understanding and not throwing the first punch…ever.

A true martial artist is one who balances the mental and the physical.  If the physical is the all-consuming overtone, then he is not practicing to his potential.  There is nothing wrong with calling yourself a Master, or if you brag a little about your expertise when trying to get folks to sign up for your classes. Even my blogging title, The Martial Arts Woman, implies a certain level of expertise or knowledge.  When used properly and with limited ego, revealing your knowledge and skills in a professional, respectable way is completely okay.

Blasting my ear about how great you are will only increase my disrespect.

Bullies-Be-Gone 

I’m sure you have your own list of bullies out there. I can’t say that I actually hate the bully martial artist, because in a sense he may have a lot to offer. If he can tone down his bragging into something more useful, like enthusiasm, he’ll fit right in with the good crowd.  None of us is perfect and we all have something on which to work to make ourselves better people overall.  It is best to recognize how not to be a bully, and that includes not bashing others. Respect is respect no matter how you slice it.

Fortunately, I don’t run into the martial arts “bully” all that often.  I know he exists and I hope that he will read this and realize that the best martial artists are the ones who lift others up.  The best martial artists are the ones who are committed, passionate, and focused about their training and about others. Crossing the line from martial artist to bully can happen, even to the best of you. Ironically, as martial artists we should be able to spot bullying in any environment and help put an end to it.  That includes looking inside yourself.

You and I can help to encourage other martial artists, and all people, to live with simplicity of heart and humbleness of character. When we apply that kind of wisdom, we can eliminate any bully complex and replace it with a true martial art mindset that is encouraging and makes sense.

Andrea

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