It is a warm winter in Florida. Almost 90 degrees, like summer heat, in December. For those here who like a crisp winter, it is a disappointment. Even though it does not snow here in the winter, everyone expects a day or two to sport a jacket or maybe even wear a lightweight scarf…because it is a fun change. I don’t mind the warm weather, though. I know that it is warm almost all the time and the summers are so hot that you can fry an egg on the sidewalk, but it suits me, even in December. It is unexpected, but still welcomed, in my perspective. Let’s face it. Life is full of the unexpected and you have to learn to let it be.
As unpredictable as the weather, and even if other usual expectations are forfeited, there is a reason for every turn of events. Even when you are sure something will happen, it may never be realized. I’ve had jobs fall through, fires ignite around my house, and losses that were unbearable. Unexpected. Irrational. Unbelievable. How do you fight through when everything works against you? How do you follow though when all seems lost? What happens when the unexpected shakes you up?
The only response I have is that how you perceive things makes all the difference. Every situation has a solution. The first thing that will always help you keep things in perspective is this:
You have to expect the unexpected.
This will make your life simpler, happier, and easier.
Martial arts offered me a great solution to the unexpected. Learning how to control my own body, my thoughts, and my breathing, showed me that I can control my reactions and emotions as well. In fact, when faced with a new martial art challenge I fall deeply into a cave of the unexpected. What will happen to me there? Will I succeed? Will I make it work? The answer is “yes,” as long as I trust in myself and and keep the right perspective and mindset. I’ve lifted all the restrictions in my mind that have ever lead me to believe that I would fail.
Martial arts are also the epitome of the unexpected. If there is any activity, event, or situation that changes from moment to moment without explanation, it is a martial arts practice. You may want it to be one type of commitment, but it turns into another. You may expect to learn a certain way to fight or defend, and it turns out to be something completely different. The reason is two-fold. Experience changes your perception; and, how you internalize your art and make it your own is another. Martial arts appear interesting to most people. Even the basic kicks and flips and punches seem mysterious. Martial artists know that when you break a technique down step by step you see even more of the intricacies involved. Experience brings about a new and different perspective. Then, how you apply your martial art to your life changes your perspective, too. You feel differently everyday because personally, your martial art takes on a new shape and relevance to your life.
Before learning a martial art, I had preconceived notions about it. I thought it was for just for really physically talented people. I thought that you had to kick up to the sky or break a concrete block with your hand if you wanted to be a martial artist. None of that made sense for me. I saw it in the movies, but never up close. These people were super-human and incredibly gifted. That did not describe me. What did describe me was an individual who wanted to explore who I was both physically and mentally.
Learning a martial art was different, though. Unlike lifting the same weights for the same muscle groups every other day, organized and habitual, every single class made me become someone different. The routine of the class was expected and common, warm ups, stretches, skills, sparring, and kata, but I felt completely, unexpectedly, different each time. As a practitioner, I had emotion and ego and experience swooshing through me at a different rate of speed because I was growing. One moment never felt like the next. In many ways, the unexpected is what makes you become a stronger person; to not rely on commonality or routine, but on yourself instead. Many students do not realize the slow progression that takes place and how every martial art moment evolves into something greater; or how they become a completely different practitioner at each stage and each level. Ironically, the expected creates the unexpected.
Life has the same pattern. You think and hope that each day will be the same; yet, not a day passes when you are not thrown a curve ball. The good and bad, positive and negative start to blend together. It becomes nearly impossible to distance them from each other because turmoil strikes when you thought it was going to be smooth sailing and it all starts to blend together. What I learned about the unexpected from martial arts is this: you have some control over how you deal with what is happening to you. You may need to regroup, de-escalate, and reevaluate, but trust me, it is worth it. This is exactly what the fighter in the ring must do, and you are no different. Every fighter knows a blow is coming his way; but not every fighter knows who will win the match. That is the unexpected. Who will win depends on a lot of different factors and how that fighter perceives what is happening.
Perhaps the unexpected in your life feels like a solid punch to your gut. A physical punch would probably feel better than a difficult mental blow, but you get no choice. The pain is there, settled on you like a rock on a mountainous terrain. There’s no just shaking it off. Part of shedding that negative impact is up to you. Will you review and ponder it and then release it so you can move on; or, hold it, believe it, and allow it to shake you to your core? Use the martial art mastery and mindset and learn to perceive it for what it is…a temporary setback.
When I was ten years old, the doctor put me on a diet. He said I was overweight. Looking back, I recall some photographs where the buttons on my dress were being pulled open slightly because of the extra weight. Ten pounds. I was just a little girl. I had to follow a diet and not eat dessert and I was so committed that even my mother’s swaying could not persuade me to eat anything not on the diet plan. I did not expect this; however, I took control of it and made it my own and I became a better person for it. I initiated the plan of action without making it a negative experience. So, at any age, at any time, you can choose to take a negative feeling or thought and make it a positive one.
Not everything unexpected is negative either. In starting my blog, I never thought that what I had to say would find so many listeners. I only know that I had a strong urge to create a blog that blended martial art mindset with positive living. I was pulled in that direction, unexpectedly. Now, I have a Facebook full of friends, a popular blog, a book, and so many wonderful and important experiences. I see it for what it is and I’m thankful. This is when the unexpected is welcomed and appreciated. So, always weigh the good and bad “unexpected” happenings to stay balanced.
There are countless stories in my life when the unexpected made its appearance and I’m sure you have a few stories of your own. The most important thing is not what happens, but how you perceive it, control it, or use it to your benefit. Good or bad, every unexpected occasion has a reason and will make you stronger.
The Florida weather is a good “unexpected” for me. For others, it is a disappointment. Same weather, two different reactions. You can see how any unexpected situation always has two sides and you have the power to decide what reaction you will have.
Yes, the choice is yours and that is one thing on which you can count, a true and rational expectation that is steady and available to you at any given time. You have the ability to make choices that will help you live a better, happier, more productive life, even when the unexpected happens.
I guess I can wrap all of this up quite simply.
Expect the unexpected.
Andrea
http://www.themartialartswoman.com – Life coaching available here.
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My book, “The Martial Arts Woman” is scheduled to be published in 2016
Hi Andrea, I really enjoyed reading this, especially your diet story – good for you! One thing that was SO unexpected in my life was taking up martial arts. I went along to an aikido class just to keep a friend company fifteen years ago . . . because she was desperate to try it, but didn’t want to go alone, and none of our other friends would do it, so she just kept nagging and begging! Then we started going regularly. Then she completely lost interest after a few months, but I never did. It really makes me wonder how different my life could have been if this hadn’t happened. I don’t think I would have found aikido otherwise, as would really not have seen it as my kind of thing? Life can be very strange can’t it!
Great! The unexpected can be a very good thing. You never know what might happen…and for you it lead you to martial arts. How Awesome!
A great blog, as usual, so enjoy them and very proud of you, loveyou, mom
That’s what I love about the Sunshine State: The same weather pattern year-round! lol. But, change is always good, and as you said, we just have to learn how to let it be. Martial arts is like the proverbial abyss. As we stand on the cliff of life, with the abyss starting back at us, we have the choice of either jumping off into the abyss when things don’t go our way as we learn the different techniques. Or, we can stand at the edge of the cliff, staring into the abyss, finding our character and continuing to push ourselves further to learn and become comfortable with the techniques. It’s when we are uncomfortable that we learn to adapt and therefore, Win At Life! 🙂 Happy New Year, my friend.
Happy New Year. Let’s find our character and push ourselves further 🙂
Ossu and wow – that is a great motto to live by.
“What I learned about the unexpected from martial arts is this: you have some control over how you deal with what is happening to you. You may need to regroup, de-escalate, and reevaluate, but trust me, it is worth it.”
Sometimes one doesn’t have to fight the unexpected at all.
This morning I went to the mail room with a cartload of stuff and encountered a big tall guy with a real chip on his shoulder about the volume of stuff my office sends down from time to time. I was not expecting to get blasted by a bully. My office mates had told me he was grumpy but this went beyond grumpy. I was new to him and he wanted to put me in my place. This was outright bullying. He wanted so badly for me to either cower and cry or enter the “monkey dance” with him. I did neither, but responded with chipper good humor (all the while keeping him from getting between me and the nearest exit). After awhile he cooled off. He even opened the door for me. I’m still reporting him to HR, though 😉 It’s their fight >:)
Good job keeping a potential problem de-escalated!!!