What ignites your imagination?  What fire burns deep within your heart?  What is your passion, your mission, your vision?  Whatever the answers are, don’t let them wane.  Don’t douse them with complacency.  Find a way to take hold of them, control them, and keep them burning.  These are good flames.  They are the heated truths and sparks of dreams that make you strive for more.

I learned the hard way.  There are good fires and bad fires.  The fires that heat you up on an already hot day are good because they make you jump up and out of your place and force you to move.  The fires that race through your heart and give your dreams a place to burn are also good.  Other fires, the kind that break down, tear away, melt and disintegrate that which is necessary and useful are the ones of which you need to be leery and find a way to extinguish.

Surprisingly,  both kinds of fires can bring out the best in us by forcing us to make decisions and take action.

 The Real Fires

On my son’s 16th birthday in June, we spent part of the morning fighting a fire. A real fire.  The scary kind of fire that burns uncontrollably and picks up pace and consumes in a matter of seconds.  It was a warm morning, as always, here in Florida.   We sometimes burn trash in a fire ring in the back yard.  It is a circle of cement blocks that keeps the small tight fires contained and burning quickly and efficiently. That morning was no different from any other except that it was my son’s 16th birthday!  Do you remember your 16th birthday?  Next to turning turning twenty-one, turning sixteen is like a door opening into your life. You know what you like, you have a unique personality, you think about your future, your schooling, and maybe even your career.  You feel ready to conquer the world and hopefully you’ve mastered a little confidence.  You have friends and interests and life seems good.

How ironic, I guess, to have some much going for you, to be experiencing a milestone birthday, when a fire sets ablaze in your backyard threatening to take all your material possessions.  On one of the biggest days of my son’s life, he was running around frantically with a water hose in hand. The fire was blazing, yes; but what happened next was completely unexpected.

On the day of his 16th birthday, my son took charge.  Looking back, I’m so impressed at how he knew what to do and just did it.  His maturity and knowledge surprised me.

It all started when I was upstairs working on some martial art writing when I heard commotion.  I looked out and could see flames moving at a rapid pace outside the cement ring. I ran down the sixteen stairs inside my house and headed toward the backyard screaming, should I call 911????  Truly, there was no time to make a call.  My son grabbed a hose on one side of the yard and my husband grabbed on the other.  I was amazed at how the flames were panning out, still in a circular formation and were just a couple of feet edging up to the side of the house.  My son’s hose would not work.  I cried out “what do I do, what do I do?” but everyone was too busy fighting a fire to hear me.

I started filling buckets of water from the utility sink in the laundry room right inside the back door of the house and tossed them forward into the fire.  My son got his hose to work just in time. He didn’t panic, didn’t give up, and kept trying until it got the water to finally rush through.  With my husband on one side and my son and I on the other, we worked the edges until we pulled the fire slowly back in to where it began.  We were covered in wet and ash and I realized I had never put on shoes and walked through the heated ground without ever feeling a thing.  “So, that’s how they walk on hot coals,” I realized. “They concentrate of something else.”

Unfortunately, the garbage fire was not the first fire we’ve had.  Last year, a hawk sitting atop a power pole at the very front of my property was electrocuted, fell from the power pole to my yard and from the electricity of the pole, the bird actually caught on fire and when it fell set the property on fire into a frenzy of fire and ash.  I wasn’t  home when the bird fire happened but I was on my way home when I received the disturbing call from my husband.  “If you see fire trucks at the house, just know everyone is alright.”  That was all the message he had time for.

Heart racing, I was about half an hour from home.  It felt like the longest stretch of driving ever as I meandered off the highway onto the local roads, inching my way toward unknown destruction.  I wound around the curving road, turned left onto the small rural highway on which I live and followed it straight to home.  Before I reached the house,  I could see the flashing lights.  The fire department  had  just finished controlling the fire.  There were still little flames popping up here and there.  It looked as if winter had come to Florida the way the old orange trees appeared so barren from being fried and looked like brown silhouettes.  I could see how close the fire had come to the front of the house.  If it had not been caught earlier, it’s entirely possible it would have infiltrated.

After the firetrucks blasted their hoses of water like fountains onto the acreage, the firemen explained that things would smolder for a while.  We were told that if we saw any extensive smoldering or flames, we could call them again.  Since our house is outside the reach of a fire hydrant, they had  brought a water tank to saturate the grounds and would bring water back again, if we needed it.

My husband told me how my 12-year-old son had stepped up like a man, to comfort my daughter who was 10, when she was crying.  My son told her that everything would be alright and not to worry.   I recognized then how well we had raised our children.  I was proud to know they would support and cherish each other in a time of crisis.

That night we all were a little worried.  The ashes were still smoldering and the fire was a really a close call.  The hawk that unexpectedly caught on fire on top of the power pole was the culprit, and was still on the ground in the same spot where he fell, looking similar to an overcooked, burned chicken.  None of us slept well with the smell of fire still tickling our noses.  We recognize now how fire can jump, like a runaway convict trying to escape into an unrestricted world.

Fires are not easily forgotten, yet we found a way to carry on and leave it somewhere in the back of our minds.

Containing Fires

If martial arts has taught me anything, it has taught me how to persevere and  contain my personal fires.  You can control yours too- fear fires, anxiety fires, health fires, denial fires, addiction fires – and all the fires that burn so frequently in your life that you don’t even feel them anymore.

What we don’t realize is that other people see the fires that ebb and flow and burn without control in us.  When our ego is too big, people notice.  When we shy away from being confident, others know.  When we struggle with health or weight issues, it is no secret. When we rely on addictive behaviors to help us get through the day, others will eventually find out.  We may try to suppress these fires, but we never completely put them out.

One of my responsibilities as a martial arts teacher is to help others identify their good and bad fires; or, to teach them how to contain the bad ones and let the good ones increase.  In one way, martial arts are like the fireman’s hose of gushing water, but instead of water, a steady flow of confidence building, focus, and self-discipline erupts. Students can learn how to identify their own personal fires, good and bad.  As an instructor, I can help them extinguish the fires that hold them back.

An especially shy child wil receive a little more one on one instruction from me then the one who already believes he is a Ninja Turtle.  The child who cries in the first class for fear of not knowing what to expect, will receive some hand-holding.  The new adult student who has some health issues will hear me provide modifications to the exercise.  I am helping them to do more than temporarily suppress their fires.  I’m letting them know that together, we can put those nuisance fires out and transfer the flames to a better more passionate part of their lives.

Would I have been able to stop that fire, working with my family, if I had not really put my mind to it?  If not for my black belt, that has taught me so many life lessons, I may have given up before I tried.

My little black belt voice called out:

Yes, you absolutely can do this.  The day you got your black belt and your second degree proves that you are willing to go above and beyond to take control of your life. You must act like a black belt here and now.

After building my house for five years, there was no way I was going to watch some crazy little fire burn it all away.

I’m not suggesting anyone ever fight a real fire.  In fact, it’s an awful idea.  Being in a rural area is different though.  Fire trucks don’t just pull up in a matter of seconds.  Some containment is necessary in the interim.  There comes a moment when you know, one way or the other, what you need to do.

Your Fires

I saw my heroic self emerge as I helped put out the trash fire.  Fear exposed itself just long enough for me to make a decision about what to do.  And, before I knew it, I was embraced in a dark smoky shadow that wanted to devour all that I love and treasure.  What if everything went up in smoke, everything gone, because a bird caught fire?  Who would ever even believe that story?

Pick one of your bad fires and start sprinkling some water on it.  What happens to it?  Dilute it with whatever you have in your arsenal of defense; things like positive thinking, bravery, belief, trust, and devotion.  I don’t ever want you to face a fire burning out of control and not know what to do.

Two real fires in my lifetime.  Each time I saw my own children effectively manage real threats and succeed.  Each time I could have lost everything, but I did not.  Each time I learned how easily my material world could come crashing down, but how my family would always stick together.  And, it reminded me of that very special spark I have for living my life, every day, like a dedicated black belt.

Truthfully, I don’t recall anything special about my 16th birthday. There is no photo or memory or reminder of how I celebrated that day.  Maybe running around with a fire hose putting out a fire is not such a bad way to experience a milestone like a 16th birthday.  I doubt any of us will ever forget that day.

Fight your own battles with all the determination of a firefighter.  It’s hard work and you may need to face a few fires before you make it, but I’m telling you right now, it’s worth it. Ignite your passion fires, instead, and you are sure to Win at Life.

Winning at Life is what it’s all about.