I walked along a path at the park one day with my family.  We had to walk quite a while, past a sandy playground, down along a wooded area, then through the picnic grounds just to get to the river.  There were a lot of steps to take, but it was worth it.   We took a canoe out that beautiful afternoon.  The warm air settled over us comfortably as we floated along.  I had a camera with me and took pictures as my husband and son paddled.  When I took a picture of the flowers along the river’s edge, I also captured their reflection in the river water.

The path to the river was nice because it was a change of pace from the other common, day to day paths I must travel.  The family path.  The school path.  The work path.  The parent path.  The friend path.  These are all great paths but they are more like little rivers that lead to a bigger river. The most important path is the one you often don’t think about.  It is the way you hope to be remembered, the statement you want your life to make, the essence of who you are. Your life path.

What makes you tick?  What makes you happy?  To set up a life path you need to identify your passions, set goals, stay focused, and not worry about what others think.  You will know if a decision or path is not right because at some point in the process it will feel wrong or maybe even startle you into changing your mind.

Years ago, when I was first married, my husband often asked me what my goals were.  He seemed to have his all set in his mind, but when I tried to think of mine nothing happened. I couldn’t answer his question.  I wondered what exactly he was talking about. I had never learned much about goals and didn’t know how to set them. I wondered why I needed them.  Why can’t I just deal with each day as it comes?  Why do I need to think that far ahead?  Life is a poem, a work of art.  Certainly you can’t squish that into a bunch of goals?

I still tried, at his prompting, to think about what I wanted in life.  I knew I wanted family and to work a decent job.  While these were very important decisions and paths, my vision was small.  I didn’t think outside the box, that I could have a family and a good job, and a whole lot more.  I only saw a one dimensional me. In retrospect I know why I could not identify my goals.  I was insecure and fearful of how I would look to others if I actually announced a goal, tried it, and failed.

Is this what is holding you back too?

There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to your own goals and your own path.  When fears about how others will react or what they will think about you affect your decision making, then you are stifling your ability to follow any path.  If others are so concerned with your failures they probably have not addressed their own. They are in the same boat but on a different river. Your goals do not have to be the same as anyone else’s, even your spouse or a friend.  My husband’s entrepreneurial spirit is part of what makes him who he is.  Our work goals are slightly different, but we fully support each other.  I write blogs because I enjoy writing and helping others. He has no desire to write or even read a blog.  Neither of us is right, neither is wrong.  We have our own goals.

Twenty-plus years ago I wasn’t ready to map out my life beyond family and work but I eventually allowed myself to commit to one new goal.  Even then I was a little wishy-washy about naming a goal without knowing if I would be good at it. Finally, without knowing if I would find success or failure on the other end, I allowed myself to commit to the goal of taking a martial arts class.  This was a big leap of faith for me, but like all the many steps I had to take to get to the river, it paid off.

The truth is, it should not matter if you pick the right path the first time and find success or not.  Many times it takes a few tries to find the right one. Part of the life path is the journey.  The important thing is to try, then see where life takes you.  No one can fault you for that. Not every decision about your life path will appear significant to others.  This is why judging others’  paths is never a good idea. There is a story behind every decision and every path.

A co-worker told me recently that he made a decision to stop playing golf.  That “decision” did not rate very high on the magnitude of life scale to me.  The first thought I had was that he probably wasn’t very good at it and was sick of losing!

Then he explained.

One day he was playing golf with his wife and another couple on a Florida afternoon.  He was at the last hole getting ready for his turn when he felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up.  The hair-raising warning was a little late.  Before he knew it, he was tossed to his knees from the remnants of a lightning strike that obliterated a tree that was only a few feet away.  Branches were tossed upon his golf cart, and worse, upon his crouched down body next to the tree.  He was covered with debris.  His wife and friends could not tell if he was still alive and frantically looked in his direction with fear until he ripped his way through the pile with his golf club and revealed himself.  He said the look on their faces told him that he only narrowly escaped losing his life. On that day, he decided he would never play golf again.  Lightning, Golf. Never Again.  Change of path.

His choice, his path, is his and his alone. Without the facts we might call this an insignificant decision, when in fact his experience was life changing.  It had little to do with golf, and everything to do with life.

Your life is measured by small doses of courage.  Your sense of purpose flows from experiences, events, and people who shape your life.  Every time there is a disappointment or a setback, the river current changes or lightning strikes, your path is inexplicably changed.  And, that’s okay  as long as  you follow another. Once I committed to my martial arts goals, other opportunities and paths came my way because I was doing the right thing for me.  Over time, one thing led to another.  I never dreamed I would be a second degree black belt, teach karate, or write about my karate experiences.  That is how I know this path is for me.  No lightning strikes, no obstacles. Success.

Don’t allow others to sway you in your path. How many times on social networking sites have you seen married friends who look happier than you?  Photos of others who are vacationing somewhere exotic?  Tweets and posts about others who have better jobs, more attractive spouses, and more successful children?  Everyone seems to be happier and have more than you. This illusion is a trap.  These sites are like photo albums of all our favorite things.  I personally only post nice happy family photographs, make positive comments, and brag about the accomplishments of my children because these are the things that make me happy.  It is like a painting or a postcard where I share the beautiful parts of my life with my favorite people.  This should not be confused with “my life is perfect.”

Social media can contribute to marital spats and relationship problems because people start to believe that the grass is greener on the other side.  You may envy the good parts of others that you see on social media.  You may think they have it all.  Don’t be fooled.  There is no person who does not have weaknesses, problems, issues, or a history.  The grass is never greener on the other side, no matter how things appear. In the same way a professional picture can highlight flawless beauty or smooth over wrinkles, social media can do the same.  Your best accomplishments, your great job history, and your finest moments are available for all to see.  It’s the good parts of you. Don’t make life decisions or change a positive and productive path based on how the grass appears somewhere else.  You have all the green grass you need right under your feet if you just bother to look.

Finding a personal path requires a great big stretch.  Do you know that feeling when you wake up in the morning, take a deep breath, and reach your arms way over your head to stretch?  Suddenly your head is a little clearer, your body more alive, and you are ready to start your day.  In life you must stretch your horizons without setting limits, without thinking small. For years, I regularly read a popular karate trade publication.  Month after month, I saw an insert that said “martial arts writers” wanted.  I finally just told myself to find out what was required to write for the magazine.  I sent an e-mail to the editor with some ideas.  He sent me the writing guidelines and I wrote the first query letter I’ve ever written in my life. Months passed but then I received a notification that my query was accepted!   Just as quickly the excitement wore off and I was pummeled with a series of torturous doubt.

How am I going to pull this off?  I’m not good enough to get published.  What was I thinking? I started the article.  I wrote, and wrote and wrote.  I edited over and over.  Proofed and scoured and fretted.  I sent it in.  Not long afterwards, I received an e-mail from the editor.  My fear of rejection was back.  I tried to brace myself for the edits, revisions, and the criticism.  Surely he didn’t like the way it was written.  There were so many flaws.  Nothing flowed right.  Maybe it’s too choppy.  I beat myself up worse than I’ve ever been beaten in a sparring match.

All the worry vanished when I read the e-mail.  I would finally achieve status as a published author.  This step set in motion a whole new path in my life as a writer.  All I needed was to stretch, to reach beyond, and to push myself through a little discomfort in order to achieve.  Martial arts and writing are now two huge drivers in my life path. As I travel through my lifetime, it is a lot like walking on a wooded path, past the sandy playground and picnic area to a river.  The grass is as green as ever.  When I next venture out in the canoe I will trust where it takes me.  If it’s a Florida summer day with a chance of thunderstorms, there is one thing for sure. I’ll do all I can to avoid the lightning.

Today I invite you to find a path and walk along it.  You are never too young or too old.  If the path is hard to find, set up some goals that step by step will lead you there.  If others tell you it is impossible, just smile and keep on walking.  Friends may not understand your decisions, but they may never know your reasons or what you’ve been through.  Then, as soon as you can, stretch. Stretch far and wide.

Sing in a band.  Go on a mission trip.  Write a book.  Start a business.  Go to school.  Get more training.  Play an instrument.  Travel.  Learn about wine.  Paint a picture.  Run a 5k.  Climb a mountain.  Fall in love.  Start a website.  Learn photography.  Make new friends.  Go skydiving.  Open a bed and breakfast.  Live on a riverboat.

Unless lightning strikes, keep going.

Let me just ask you once again.  What do you want to do with your life? It’s never to let to start down your path.

Andrea