Like me, you are probably always searching for something.

• A plan to follow
• A dream to explore
• A hope to fulfill
• An inspiration
• A motivation
• A better life
• An answer to a question

There is always something lacking and we spend huge amounts of time trying to find exactly what will solve the problem, bring us happiness, or  show us a sign that we are at least doing the right thing.  There is nothing wrong with that if seeking what you need keeps you from being lazy, helps others, or catapults you to a better place in life.  My advice will always be that you should search until you find it, but never at the expense of others.

Martial arts,too,  is an investigation; a  self-investigation, that is.  You can learn a whole lot about yourself that you never realized.  Things like you are stronger than you thought, or you are smarter than you realized, or getting into shape can be fun and interesting.  The best self learned lesson is that you can do it!

So, yes, we’re always in search of…but have you ever really needed to find something or someone because of a personal memory?  A long-lost love?  Your wedding band that you lost years ago?  An heirloom that is so important to you?  A photograph of a relative from years gone by?  These treasured memories, long gone from your grasp, are often so important to you that you would do just about anything to see, touch or feel them again.

I guess I would feel that way if I lost my black belt, the one that graciously holds two golden stripes on its end and symbolizes so many years of hard work and effort.  I’ve carried it on my waist, around my neck, in my hands, by my side,  since 1997.  If I misplaced it I’m not sure what I would do.  I would maybe turn the entire house upside down!  All this emotion because it holds memories that are so personal and important to me that I can’t bear the thought of not feeling the actual memories right in the hem and ridges of the belt every time I pick it up.

Me, The Private Eye

“Finding” is also a profession, a career.  It’s called “private investigator” and I was one for eight years.  During that time, I found hundreds of people who didn’t want to be found.  That little hiccup (of not wanting to be found) made locating them a little bit challenging.   A lot of them had been involved in automobile accidents or were witnesses to some event.  They had no interest in being sued or tracked down or having their words memorialized forever on a tape somewhere.   Bottom line, though, was that I needed to find them.

This was  back in the late 1980’s and there was no way to quickly do a Google search or find any information on the Internet.  There was no Facebook or Twitter or any other social media sites and even public records could not be researched easily either.  Everything we used was called a “source” and every person we tried to find was called a “subject.”  Source and subject were the substance of each investigation.

While the whole thing sounds ridiculously cool, it was not as glamorous as it sounds.  The glamour was in the title perhaps, “Private Investigator,” and in the ability to access records the general public could not.  The rest was just working a job day in day out, like any other.  We always followed the same protocol to find the subjects and the biggest fact that  we learned was that people were liars. They would go as far as denying who they were if they thought it would remove them from having to face responsibility.

As an investigator, I had a clear goal and a certain criteria to follow.  I knew what the end point needed to be and over time I got better at it.  Each locate investigation was a lot like achieving a new belt level in karate.  The more experienced I became and the more intricacies and nuances I learned, the more difficult assignments I was given. Like moving from one karate belt to another, I built upon the basics until I was proficient at figuring out the puzzle that each subject created and mastered my craft.

Not rocket science, but it was a very methodical approach, and it worked. We often received a phone call or lead that confirmed the location of the individual. To confirm that we found someone had to be more than an instinct or a probability.  Often a process-server would have to go and serve papers and we never wanted to send someone out to a bad neighborhood or less than desirable area without knowing for sure he’d find the subject.  Confirming the subject via the source was the entire job.

All the years of experience ended up really meaning something, in the end.  The thankless work of locating of people who didn’t want to be found, the exercise of becoming better at spotting good leads and following through,  all culminated in the best investigation for which I was ever hired.    An interesting source and a beautiful subject and a story well worth telling.

The Unusual Subject

The unusual investigation request reminded me why memories are so important.  All  any of us really want is an acknowledgement of a journey, a renewal of a favorite life experience; a rejuvenation of a memory.

I was asked to help someone on a personal journey and I dipped into my reserve of  investigative experience and my black belt mentality.  The unusual investigative  matter on which I was called came years after I stopped working as a private investigator, and was requested by my college roommate, Kim, who contacted me out of the blue.  “Andrea,” she said, “I have a favor to ask of you.”

She explained that her mother, Leslie,  wanted to hire me for a “locate investigation.”  I was hoping, in the back of my mind, that it was not one of those deals where I had to spy on someone or find an old lost love.  In the end, it had nothing to do with spying, but it had everything to do with love.

Kim  grew up in Massachusetts.  When she was a child she and her family would often go out on her grandfather’s boat, a lovely wooden schooner that sailed gloriously over the New England waters.  The long summer days spent on the boat during the warm season was a favorite memory for her and especially her mother, Leslie.   The schooner was owned by her grandfather for many years until he became too old to care for it.  By then Leslie and her sisters were busy raising their own families and didn’t have the time to devote to the boat, so it was sold and never seen by Leslie or her sisters  again.

The schooner was originally named after the owner’s father, John Curtis Nichols Parker, using his first name “John” his middle initials of “C” and “N” and phonetically pronounced as “John-C-N,” hence, ‘JONCIEN.” She (the JONCIEN) was built in Maine and made her to home in Rockport, MA.  She was launched back in 1960.

The JONCIEN sailed through Cape Cod to the islands of Martha’s Vineyard and Nantucket through the summers until about 1970.  The owner and his family of six lived aboard her during the summer months.  Around 1970, she was sailed through the Inland Waterway and down to Florida. Kim’s grandfather spent a few years sailing throughout the Bahamas and three of his four daughters were lucky enough to sail with him on one such trip.  He eventually hired crew to help him continue to sail because of his age and health issues, and around 1972 he sailed her back to Rockport where he had to sell her, albeit with a broken heart.

The schooner was sold a couple of times after that, to places unknown.

And, that is where I come in.

Finding the “JONCIEN” 

Leslie’s treasured memories finally prompted her to want to find the boat.

And, she hoped I could help.

Truly, I had never had the task of locating a “thing” before, only people.  The boat was described with such passion and so dearly loved that it seemed as if it was a person.  Leslie wanted to know if she (the JONCIEN) was well, still able to float on the waters, and who was taking take of her.  The cherished memories that surfaced in our conversation were enough for me to agree to help.  With my private investigative interviewing skills, I gathered all the information she could provide.  She had no idea who purchased the JONCIEN or if she was still registered under the original name.  I was able to search boat records and registrations and follow one path to the next.  After a few months, I found exactly what I needed.

JONCIEN’s History

In 1972 the JONCIEN was sold to a gentleman in Maine, and he changed her name to Clarissa B. Carver.  He sold the boat to another man who claimed he wanted to sail the  JONCIEN around the world.  During the time he was the owner of record, the JONCIEN showed up in Honolulu, Hawaii. Her name at this point was C.B. Carver.

Finally, in 1983, she was purchased by an owner who lived upon her for about two years while he was making repairs.  JONCIEN showed up on a Hawaii State Calendar in 1983 with Diamondhead in the background.  At some point, this owner had her shipped to the San Francisco Bay area.  After this, it appears that the beautiful schooner was de-registered.

After weeks of research and searching, telephone calls and following leads, I picked up the phone and called the current owner who was in California. I told him the story and he agreed to talk to Leslie.

I must admit, It was the trickiest investigation ever, but the most worthwhile.  Using my own skills and sources, I had to track down a beloved memory.  I needed results to satisfy the heart of a woman whose past joy rested in the waters of New England.  When I told my friend that I had found the boat, she and her mother were both thrilled.  My job was done.

My purpose for being a private investigator was revealed.  It didn’t have to do with the day-to-day grind of tracking down people who did not want to be found; rather it was the single chance to renew a relationship between a woman and her memories.

This, however,  is not the end of the JONCIEN story.  The outcome, you might say, was unexpected.  For me, the Joncien investigation gave me the chance to view life through different eyes.  It showed me how a memory can guide our entire life.  We build upon it and rely upon it even when we don’t realize it.  When we finally notice its impact, we want more than anything to re-live it.  But, that’s not always possible.  We never know what twist and turn will happen that changes everything.

The User Name

Before I was ever approached about finding the JONCIEN, my roommate’s mother, Leslie, uncovered one other unique mystery herself.

After her move to Rockport, MA, years before she contacted me,  she was establishing some on-line user names and passwords for different websites she was going to be accessing.  She inserted the user name that surely no one else in the world would have ever chosen, “Joncien.” Since  Joncien was a made up word from her grandfather’s name, no one but she and her sisters or maybe another close family member would know it.

When she was denied use of the user name, Joncien, because it was already chosen by someone else,  she became agitated that her sisters used it, knowing full well it was a name she often used for computer databases. She contacted her three sisters to see who had taken use of the  password.  To her surprise, none of her sisters claimed fame to using the word.

Who took the name?  She couldn’t imagine how someone else could have taken it.  She researched and one thing led to another, and finally an e-mail address was located for the person who chose the user name, Joncien.

Leslie e-mailed the person.  On that day she discovered the second “Joncien” in existence.

The Other Joncien

Back in the 1960’s a young couple were boating out on Rockport Harbor and saw a beautiful schooner sailing by.  They thought it was so beautiful that they pulled up aside it and  told the sailor how lovely it was.  The boat owner graciously took them aboard for a sail.  He guided them around the waters on a warm summer day and the experience and beauty of the boat on that magnificent summer day touched them deeply.

The young wife, at the time, was expecting.

She and her husband were so enamored with the beautiful schooner, that when their first child was born they named her Joncien.

Their daughter, Joncien, was the woman on the other end of the e-mail.

Joncien never dreamed she would know what the boat looked like, so in this sort of mixed up, jumbled trail of events, Leslie, the seeker of the boat, JONCIEN, found instead a woman named Joncien.

Leslie was able to tell Joncien some stories about the boat and send her some pictures.   She was able to fill in the missing pieces that Joncien had always wondered. What did this other Joncien, the schooner, look like?  What was its history?  For Joncien many gaps were finally filled in.

The Unexpected Result

Leslie was  so thrilled to have finally tracked down the schooner that made its way from Massachusetts to Hawaii, to California.

She wanted to see it.  Somewhere along the line, she had a boat restorer make arrangements to go see the schooner in California and perhaps even work out a restoration plan.  Finally, the beautiful , original, JONCIEN had another chance, another moment to solidify its impact in Leslie’s heart and make all the memories come to life again.

When the restorer saw it, he was amazed.

Amazed in a very sad and distraught way.

His heart sank.

The Joncien was irreparable. She was not salvageable.  She was in total ruin.  The last owner just let her go.  She had actually sunk once.  With this news, the heart of a woman who cherished the schooner like a part of her own family also sunk.  Leslie had the chance to see the JONCIEN again, but declined because she didn’t want anything to tarnish her memories of what the JONCIEN meant and how it looked in her mind.

The source and subject came to a disappointing end; or did it?

The truth is that a great many positive things happened thanks to the JONCIEN investigation.  Leslie learned that the boat’s pure beauty was not just in her eyes.  Complete strangers named their very first child after her.  The “other” Joncien finally heard about the special boat that her parents enjoyed that summer day so very much.

And, while the JONCIEN could never be salvaged, her journey is now documented and as much a part of a family tree as any other member.  Leslie’s memory is still in tact because she chose to never see the JONCIEN in any other way than the perfection she recalls.  With the JONCIEN’s story known, with questions finally answered, Leslie at least knows the JONCIEN’s fate, but more importantly, she knows that no matter what, nothing can ever change the way she feels about the JONCIEN in her heart.  The truth is that nothing can ever change a beloved memory.  Nothing.

The Meaning 

I spent years finding all kinds of people, but when it came down to it, helping a woman locate a piece of her family history was a pivotal moment that even helped me to find out about myself.  What memories do I hold tightly?  How do they define me? Why are they so important?  The day I was married, bought my first house, earned my black belts, had my children, all rank up there as my best memories ever.  Like Leslie’s love for the JONCIEN, I don’t ever want any of these special moments tarnished.

We all  have the need to find so many things.  Love, career, balance, friendships, passions and talents.  Every time we locate one of these things we are a step closer to finding out who we are.  If we look in the mirror, isn’t it strange how we don’t always look the way we expect that we should?  That’s just a reminder that there is still a lot left to find.

Maybe you don’t have a cherished schooner to track down, or you’ve never lost something so important to you that you would hire a private investigator to find it.  Maybe one day it will happen to you and when it does, consider the story of the JONCIEN.  Know that nothing in life ever stays the same over time and the best place to find your beloved memories is deep within your heart.  There, they are safe and exempt from ever changing.

Take a moment now to examine your memories.  Treasure them because they are as much a part of you as anything.    You may wish to pursue your leads further, follow a trail or path set before you.  When you do, you risk changing the past.

There is no reason to be sad about what has run its course.  We cannot control what other people do or how they behave.  I heard every lie in the book during my investigator days and it made me appreciate the truth.  How you recall a moment in time is the only truth that you will ever need.  It is a moment that will never change no matter what happens over time.

As for me, I’m still searching for all the answers to my own questions.  One thing I know for sure.  Every good piece of my life that is locked away in my memory can never, ever be changed.  Keep yours safe, too, and your memories and experiences will make you stronger than ever.

Cherishing memories is winning at life.