Some people look at me and think “wow, she’s got it all!” I admit, there is something to be said for my happy disposition, positive outlook, and martial art wisdom. I’m genuine and real, and I’ve felt just about every emotion that exists, just like you. In fact, my real-world experiences and my personal approach help me stand out as someone who is a bit unique and who has something interesting to say. Add in martial arts experience, writing, a former private investigator, some interesting life experiences, and a book in progress, and I guess it’s hard to deny that I’m fortunate to do some pretty cool things.

Maybe, for some, I appear flawless.

If I were flawless, I don’t think I’d have to face criticism, just like you; or, that on occasion I would question myself, my decisions, reactions and abilities, just like you. I try to minimize the impact for negativity because I want to focus on positivity.  Since blogging, I’ve been criticized more than a few times for my content, delivery, or something else.  It’s nothing that you ever get to see because you are a cherished reader, the person to whom I am actually speaking.  Others read, looking for flaws.  In the beginning, I was worried about this.  I wanted everything to be perfect.  I edited some of these posts more than fifty times hoping they would end up perfect!  Even then, I would read them later and find a grammatical mistake or something I said didn’t sound quite right.  I’ve had to let that go and I finally understood that first, I’m not flawless no matter how I try, and secondly, people like me because I am flawed.  They can relate.

I may appear flawless at times, but the truth is I wish that I could flaw a whole lot less, “flaw less.”  I wish that I could show every martial art technique that only has 100% correct effectiveness, live every day as if it were my last, reach every goal I’ve ever written. If there was one defense that would work 100% of the time, it is the one I would teach. I wish that in my life I could make fewer mistakes and do everything right. I wish just because I wrote a goal down that it would come to fruition. Don’t you?

It doesn’t happen that way.

Being flawless probably isn’t as good as it sounds, either. You would be lonely because the people in the rest of the world would still be experiencing their imperfections and looking for answers and you would already be right and perfect with the world. They would be jealous of your ability to be always correct, sufficient, and knowledgeable. There is something to be said for flaws. They are the best learning experience and opportunity for growth that there is.  In martial arts, I would never learn if I didn’t make the mistakes or ask the questions.  I can’t possibly get everything right the first time or the hundredth time.  It’s a martial art lesson not readily discussed, but to flaw or make a mistake in training might feel not so great up front, but in the end it makes you a better martial artist.  You can always seek perfection, but you must also understand that perfection does not exist.  The best approach is not to try to be flawless, but to make an effort to decrease the mistakes, and “flaw less” or fewer times than before.

To connect with others and have a true message to share that means something, you must have flaws. No one wants to hear about how perfect your life is when they are feeling a bit under the weather, sad, or upset. They want to know what to do and how to fix it. They want to know that someone else has felt the same thing, and has overcome. Thank goodness for flaws, so we can help each other out.  On the other hand, if criticism comes your way, just remember that the one delivering judgment has a few flaws, too; and being negative or condemning probably tops the list. Never point out flaws in others until you first make every attempt to flaw less yourself.

Don’t confuse my polished photos and my writing with living a flawless life. In a sense, it’s good to know that we’re all in the same boat, isn’t it? Ironically, martial arts show not my perfections, but my imperfections. They highlight my mistakes because that is how I learn. There is not a day that passes when I don’t attempt to flaw less; but admittedly, I never want the responsibility or the loneliness that accompanies being perfectly flawless. The next time criticism comes your way, you should be proud that you had the courage to even try while so many others sit on the sidelines.

I may be flawed. I may make mistakes. But, in the broadest most positive sense…I do have it all.  I have the chance to try again today and to maybe flaw less than yesterday.

Check out all of my life lessons and blog posts!

Life coaching and public speaking engagements available
My book, “The Martial Arts Woman” will be published this year.