This is a story that describes why picking the right martial art for you is important. Not every style or school suits your needs, whether that means flexibility, finances, instructor, or structure. Maybe it is your own motivation that depletes the practicality of your learning. There may be a a combination of issues that rise to the surface. The  point is, do not beat yourself up over it. Instead, pick yourself up and find what IS right for you.

Why I Failed Miserably

Several years ago, I wanted to earn higher rank and the only way to do it was to learn a completely new style and not depend on the life-time of learning I already had in my original style. Let me just start by saying that it is probably not a good idea to decide to train in a new style based on the desire to achieve a higher rank. I, of all people, should know that this focus creates barriers.

I was already in my 50’s and I failed miserably.

That is not to say that you will fail if you try Taekwon-Do (“TKD”) or any other martial art. No, this is a unique and personal story of how I did not completely think through my own personal choices and how I ignored expectations to some degree.

Assess Your Personal Reasons 

When choosing a martial art style, assess both your personal reasons and the program itself and decide if they mesh. If not, no harm done, move on, which is what I wished I did under the circumstances. After a couple of years of part-time attendance, I was kicked out of my TKD program and it stung. But, in the long run it helped me find the right focus and direction for ME.

I had a few factors working against me. One was that I had a 2nd degree in a martial art program that consisted of blended Korean style Tang Soo Do with Ju Jitsu, Aikido, Arnis and self-defense. I steadily taught this  style for many years and was still teaching it when I began this new program. TKD patterns are similar to the forms that I already knew and loved in my original program, but different enough that I struggled to learn the nuances.

Next, I was already in my fifties and memorization was not easy for me. I had problems remembering every self-defense move and pattern from TKD for belt requirements while still teaching my own style. I have never been good memorizing and it always takes me longer than others, even since I was a child. In fact, when I had to take my exam for my master’s degree in organizational management in January, I was so nervous because I had to memorize so much. I passed, but it was a struggle, but I still managed to earn a 4.0 based on my other grades.

Next, I was not allowed to begin as a white belt. I wanted to be a white belt, a beginner again, but I was provided a 2nd dan because I already had a 2nd degree rank in another style. I had to earn it from two ends – white up to the middle ranks; and 2nd degree back down to the middle. I was never comfortable with the rank. Learning so many patterns at one time was simply not a good idea for me.

I Couldn’t Committ

Martial art training for me, even when I earned 2nd Dan in my original style, was never a full-time endeavor for me. I was raising a family when I began martial arts and going to class once or twice per week was a treat for me. If the requirement was that I go more back then, I guess I would not have made it through that program either. I needed flexibility and had the opportunity to work at my own pace.

Getting to TKD class had its own challenges. The drive was far, I was working full time and teaching five classes a week with my family. My husband helped me work on  breaking boards required for my TKD testing, even though he prepared for our own classes that we taught together. I also had my blog, book writing, and a social media presence that was growing. On Saturday mornings, I took Tai Chi for stress relief and on occasion attended local seminars by fellow martial artists. I can see now that my overachiever decisions left little room for this new martial art practice.

It Was Not All Bad!

I don’t want to make this horrible experience.  In those TKD couple of years, I recognized that I still enjoyed sparring and had more stamina than I thought. A few matches with some teenagers kicked my butt, but I held my own and kept them on their toes and moving. I was motivated and tried to improve. It is different from forms because there are no repetitive movements to remember. I really loved the feeling afterwards, with sweat pouring down my face and my heart pounding from the workout and adrenaline.

I also loved meeting the new students. Some were beginners, some advanced. It was humbling to learn from a teenage black belt when you have instructed others yourself for years, but I enjoyed it. Their exuberance was fun and they were patient and kind.

Getting Kicked Out 

When I least expected it, after about 2 years of part-time practice, I was booted from the program for lack of motivation. I was advised that I wasn’t loyal and that it was a waste of my time as a 2nd dan because I had too many irons in the fire. I suppose I cannot deny any of that.

My way of teaching was much different than the TKD program. I offered my students a revolving door to come and go when they could, because for me “some training” was better than “no training.” I wanted them to understand that life might get in the way, but that does not mean that you give up or quit. I let them know that I would be there when they were ready to return. I recognize that most martial art schools do not operate that way.

I did not expect nor encourage any particular loyalty from my students, yet they were there for many years. I wanted them to try seminars and different styles and instructors because I personally enjoyed that. I wanted my students to see martial arts as a living, breathing part of who they are. I welcomed them with open arms and hugged them goodbye if they left. My focus was the relationships and I do not ever regret teaching that way.

The email that essentially booted me out of my TKD training said I had little motivation, had no right  to cross train, and had little loyalty to the instructor after nearly 2 years. I agree with the third point because my loyalty is only ever to God, my family and myself. I was sad and disappointed. The school posted my banishment on social media, as if I had committed some crime, which prompted others to ask how or why I was “stripped” of my black belt. I wasn’t stripped of it. I never earned it. I had my 2nd degree from many, many years earlier which is still fully in tact and valid. This unearned TKD 2nd Dan rank can never be “stripped” because it was never really earned.

The irony of it all is that I should have recognized that this was not for me from the beginning. I should have reminded myself of all that I believe in and decide that it simply was not the right program for me for so many different reasons. The lesson about finding the right martial art for you is so critically important. Training never works well if rank is the most important consideration.

 

Lesson Learned

What I know now from this difficult lesson is that if one thing does not work, for whatever reason, don’t give up. Just try something else. When I was kicked out and publicly humiliated, I folded up my uniform and belt and donated it to a thrift store and I tore the unearned black belt certificate to shreds. The burden was lifted. I learned a very valuable lesson and that is to trust myself and to recognize that earning a higher rank is not as important to me as all the other things I want to accomplish.

After the dust settled, I pursued my passion of using my nearly 30 year history in martial arts to make a difference in the lives of other martial artists. Today, I write about motivational and martial art topics and share stories of martial art women from all over the world. I have no desire to earn higher rank or belts. In fact, my TKD training failure simply reminds me that I have bigger dreams.

A failure is never an ending. It is a beginning.

xoxo

Andrea

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Pick up one or both of my motivational books here:

The Martial Arts Woman book: https://www.amazon.com/Martial-Arts-Woman-Motivational-Stories/dp/1544916213

Martial Art Inspirations for Everyone book: https://www.amazon.com/Martial-Inspirations-Everyone-Andrea-Harkins/dp/150297830X