A couple of years ago, I received an unexpected phone call.  “Andrea?” the voice questioned.  “Do you know who this is?”

How could I not?   The voice was one that was distinguishable among all the voices I’ve ever heard in my life.

We never truly recognize how unique we sound, but just like the shape of our face and the different parts it holds, our voice clearly captures a piece of who we are.

“Mr. Shear….?” I responded.

Mr. Shear was an icon in my high school.  I actually knew him since junior high, and he was my guidance counselor during all those years.  He was a cool guy, all the students liked him, and he watched us like a hawk.  He checked grades and absenteeism, but all energetically and with care.  He was trustworthy.  He never overstepped a boundary of professionalism, yet always seemed a friend.

One year, he asked me to volunteer to help at the high school prom.  I was only a freshman, but if I helped I could dress up in a gown and see what a prom was all about.  Since I was a freshman, no other students really wanted anything to do with me, so after my volunteer duties at the prom were done, Mr. Shear asked me to dance.  In all the right ways he was a gentleman as we swirled around the floor with everyone else.

For years at school I talked to Mr. Shear and set plans into action, deciding what classes to take and why.  When I skipped school one day in my senior year with all the other seniors I still got a talking-to.  He knew it was one of the few stray moments I ever had, even though it was something the seniors did every year.  So, under his careful watch and with his guiding concern, I graduated, gave him a hug, and was on my way.

When I heard the raspy voice on the other end of the telephone line just a few years back, there was no mistaking who it was. We talked for quite some time about family and memories, and he told me how he never forgot me, even after all these years.  There was always something special about me, he said.  He followed up later with an e-mail.  He shared kind words, something about how I had always stood out, how I had a sensitivity for others that he would never forget.  And, in a funny way, I felt comforted knowing that I had made an impact on his life, too.

Not long afterwards, I received the very sad news that he passed away.  It was unfortunate.  We had just begun a friendship as adults, not teacher-child, and we had so much to talk about.

I never quite figured out what prompted him to call me that day.  It was completely out of the blue.  I had no idea he still remembered me though I always remembered him.  With all the students in and out of his life, I am honored that I had any impact at all in his life.

We never know how we impact other people.  When I think of Mr. Shear I have very fond memories.  He was truly someone who guided me, which was his job.  He was always accessible, always available to talk.  In many ways, he helped shape my future.  He directed me toward a continuing education, and because of him, as the youngest of three kids in my family, I was the first to go to college.

We all make an impact in this world.  It isn’t necessarily what we think it should be.  Who we are, how we react to our surroundings and to others, reflect our true selves.  Why Mr. Shear remembered me will never really be explained, other than, without even understanding or knowing it, I made an impact.

My Martial Arts Impact

As a martial arts instructor, I have the opportunity to impact a great many lives.  From my own family, my relationship with my husband and children, to the kids I teach, their families, and personal friends, I have an obligation and a responsibility to make an impact that counts.  Molding the thoughts of a child, training his body to react, and nurturing his self-confidence and respect is no small task.  In fact, it is monumental.

Karate is a physical activity, it’s true.  It is all about becoming a better you.  It is aerobic and conditioning in one.  It is strength training and balance.  It improves weaknesses and increases flexibility.  Unlike a guidance counselor or any other kind of teacher, a martial arts instructor is tasked with guiding students to personal growth, physicality, and inner reflection all blended into one.

For kids, a martial art increases their self-awareness and confidence.  It’s not me, but the art itself that offers these benefits.  The responsibility of the karate teacher is to provide good instruction, a safe environment, positive reinforcement, and opportunity for learning.  My husband’s creativity and enthusiasm as an instructor stands out.  He has always been able to relate to the students in a way that encourages them to do their best and he makes the environment interactive and fun.  I know his talents will affect the lives of these children for a long time.

Karate created a huge impact in my life.  I have to credit it with everything from getting in shape, to learning more about myself, to relatively easy childbirth, to giving a black belt effort to everything I do.  What I give back is only a small reciprocation for the very big benefits I received.

Your Impact

Have you ever watched a wave form?  So beautifully it builds out in the distance in the ocean.  As it rises, it seems it can touch the sky, until it tumbles back down spreading itself far and wide.  Its impact touches us all differently.  Some see it as poetry in motion; others see how gloriously it is formed; still others just want to see when the next wave will come.

You create the same effect.  Your impact can be seen as a wave that washes over others in a good and positive way.  Your friendly gesture, your simple hello, and your kindness can travel through someone’s life like the crest of a wave.  It might help someone overcome an obstacle you do not even realize exists.  Impact can flourish from the speck of one seemingly insignificant simple moment.

How can you truly make an impact?  Follow any of these insights and you will be on your way:

• Volunteering, sharing ideas with others, encouraging friends and family
• Paying-it-forward, praying for others, creating positive energy
• Treating others with respect, avoiding demeaning behaviors, accepting differences
• Stepping up when help is needed, allowing others to vent

Your actions make a difference.

Reciprocal Impact 

Impact is a two-way street.  While all this time I thought Mr. Shear, with his kindness and guidance, made an impact on me, I never realized that I made any impact on him.  Yet, he saw something in me that remained in him for many, many years.

There are so many stories about how we make our impact on each other.  I sat with a woman recently and we chatted about her thirteen year old son.  We connected because I also have a thirteen year old son.  But, her story was touching.  She explained how she adopted her son from Guatemala.  The process started when he was six weeks old, yet she never laid eyes on him until he was thirteen months old.

During her adoption process, the birth mother had to be notified and grant permission for the adoption on three different occasions.  One time the birth mother was out working in the fields and could not be located which ended up causing a delay in the adoption process.  Then, the 911 event occurred and it sparked fear that the adoption might never happen.  Imagine having to face the possibility of never seeing the child for whom you had been waiting for so many months.

The adoption finally worked out and the strongest of two bonds, mother and child, finally coincided.  Love impacted both of them in that single powerful moment.

Bad Impact

Our negativity can attach itself to others as readily as good impact.  This is the responsibility we all carry.  While every bit of goodness can affect others, so can the negativity, pity-parties, and hurtful actions we callously display.

We must control reactions that have consequences.  If I yell every time I get frustrated, or kick what is in my way every time I’m angry, or blurt out the first thing on my mind every time something bothers me, I probably would be a very lonely person.  Negative words, negative actions, have negative consequences.

I’m not sure why, but a death in a family often seems to bring out the worst in people.  It is like common sense is suddenly forgotten and evil and ugly make an appearance.  Perhaps when stripped down to our core, the worst in us comes out.  The recipients of the negativity are less resilient and more vulnerable  than usual.  There is no free pass for ever being hurtful to others.

Negative energy, cynicism, and ego, swirl around us, the same way I swirled with Mr. Shear across the dance floor at the prom.  It doesn’t stay in one location, but travels through time and place, affecting all in its way.  Those who create the swirl don’t often realize it because they are too consumed with themselves to even know they are creating negative energy.

When negative energy is created, we suddenly react.  What do we do?  We complain about that person and then our complaining takes time away from our productivity and our important tasks.  Then, we vent to someone else who, in turn, becomes less productive because their time is sucked up in the swirl.  Like a tornado, negative impact whisks anything up in its path and carries it away.

We cannot escape this type of impact.  Our life is full of debilitating actions and reactions. Somewhere along the line we will face challenges that create dread, worry, or chaos.  The best we can do is accept it, and as soon as possible move on and create positive moments that help us find our centered and balanced selves again.

The Lesson About Impact

I can’t tell you how happy I am that Mr. Shear contacted me after all those years.  It made me realize how great  an impact I have on others without even realizing it.  Mr. Shear gave me good direction.  At his prompting, I figured out who I was.  He reminded me that even in my own insignificance, I was important, a lesson that has benefited me all my life.

Teachers and martial arts instructors are not the only ones who have the responsibility of impact. What we all do and say can swish through the lives of others with amazing agility. Whether you have to conjure up a lot of patience to wait for something as important as a new member of your family to arrive, or you feel a deep grief and turmoil within your own family after losing a loved one, each and every moment you face, good or bad, will impact you.

How should you deal with these impacts?  If they are good, spread the news, share your talents, encourage others.  If they are negative, allow others to intervene with care and love while you work through it and recover.

The amazing truth is that we are resilient.  Whatever comes our way has a response, a defense, a reaction.   Equally important is the way we live our lives and impact others. Take the higher road even when it’s the hardest choice.  Some day you may receive a surprising but welcomed phone call out of the blue that will swirl around you with a positive impact forever.

Winning at Life is what it is all about.