I never said the phrase “no worries.”  Then, one day, like everyone else, I just picked up the habit.  It’s less personal than “you’re forgiven” and more casual than “it’s okay.” It’s a quick response to an apology.  You forgive others easily via the “no worries” route because, in the big scheme of things, whatever happened that went sour was not all that important.

There are two prongs to the kind of worry that becomes a hindrance to your life.  One is to worry too much about yourself; the other is to worry too much about others.  Clearly, worry is not a good thing in either circumstance. “No worries” might be a great little phrase, but it doesn’t really minimize the reality that worry can be detrimental to your health and your mindset.

It’s okay. I understand.  I was a worrier, too, and still am on occasion; but, I’ve learned to direct it and control it better so it doesn’t direct or control me.  Worry manifests itself in a negative attitude toward yourself and even toward others.  It drowns out what is good, and takes center stage.  If you let it in, it’s going to take a while to squish it back out.  It takes many shapes and forms.  You may have some of these thoughts:

• I’m not as good.
• I’m not as pretty.
• I’ll make a mistake.
• I won’t be forgiven.
• I might do the wrong thing.
• I said something stupid.
• No one will like me.

The list extends from here to eternity. They are negative perceptions that only make worry more powerful.  You create your own future and prophesy because when you think these things, you become these things. What will happen when really big life issues arise? You will have no defense because you have only ever used worry as a response.

While I struggled with self-doubt here and there, I allowed worry to drag me down. There was no way I could state my opinion, write my thoughts, or try something new without worry following me. Even through my beginning years as a martial artist, I faced it. Being in my mid-twenties when I started I worried I was too old, would never be any good, or would fail. Surrounded by athletic types in martial arts class, I worried I was far less developed, would never meet the requirements, or was less of a martial artist than others at my level. Faced with tests or board breaks, I worried I would not pass or break through.  I always did, but it would have been so much nicer an experience If I faced it as a positive challenge than a worry.

When I had my first son, I was filled with worry and anxiety.  I wanted to do everything perfectly, yet, I had no idea what I was doing.  When we got in the car to bring our first son home from the hospital, the worry began.  “Why is everyone driving so fast?” “What if his head doesn’t stay up in that car seat?” I wanted to whole world to stop so I could get him home safely.  Then, as time went on, I created my own set of “perfect” rules based on worry.  I would incessantly ask others who were helping me, “is that sterilized? Does he look okay to you? Is he still breathing?”  I was worried that I would fail as a mother, that my baby would get hurt, eat too much, or cry for too long.  I wouldn’t even let my husband hold him for very long because I didn’t think he was “doing it right.” I didn’t realize that there was no right or wrong way. There was only one way:  learn as you go.

This is true for martial arts and motherhood or any other challenge you face. You can worry, or you can learn as you go.  If you worry as you go, you will be miserable.

It wasn’t until I was older that the light finally dawned on me. I finally asked myself if worry was helping or hindering me. In both instances it hindered me from achieving my potential.  It kept me from having joy from the experiences.  It stole my happiness.  It did not change the circumstances or the situations.  They were actually very positive experiences that worry managed to negate. I needed a solution and one day I found that solution lurking in the corners of my mind.  It was there but never utilized until I allowed it to burst forth.

It was the power of positive thinking and a positive martial art mindset.

The longer I practiced a martial art, the better I became at being less worried.  I had to accept my  flaws and learn that I could work through them to become a better mother, woman, and martial artist.  That is when I  let go a little.

One of my personality flaws was that I refused to believe I was as good at certain things.  It is true that once you focus on flaws you forget your talents.  It took me a lifetime to return to writing because I never thought I had a good message or that I could write well.  If you don’t give yourself encouragement and instead make worry your priority, you will never consider yourself worthy.

If you have a series of self-perceived flaws, take a good long look at them and decide how they impact you.  Are they truly flaws?  Can you change your perception into something positive, and take the steps you need to explore new opportunities?

Martial arts were never on my bucket list.  I went to my first class because my husband wanted to go.  I was really worried about it.  Me? A martial artist?  Thank goodness I pushed myself and found out of what I was really made.  Today I define myself through my practice of martial arts.  If I had let worry rule, I would not be a black belt or a writer.  I see how releasing worry allowed me to not just persevere, but succeed.

You have a few worries, I’m sure.  It is time to review them closely. You cannot control the future so worrying about what may happen in the future has no merit. You have talents and skills.  If you worry about how they compare to other people, you will never practice them.  You have a dreams and ambitions. If you let worry suffocate them, you will never feel whole.

I’ve been there.  I’ve watched worry ebb and flow in my life and I know, without a doubt, that I could have had better, more positive experiences along the way if I had let it go. If only I could have whispered this to myself when I was afraid to stand out.  If only there was a magic wand that could have touched my soul at the very moment worry started to settle in.

If only someone had said to me what I’m about to say to you because now I know these words to be true.  Now I know why I jumped on the bandwagon and frequently practice a phrase that really makes sense, and why I hope I never stop saying it:

Friends, no worries.

Andrea

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