I used to have a recurring nightmare.  I step into an elevator that appears completely normal.  When the door closes, however, it suddenly takes off quickly, in an unexpected direction.  At times it moves sideways, and even turns upside down.  I walk into it unknowingly every single time.  Suddenly, I find myself swirling in different directions.  I feel an overwhelming sense of dread the minute I realize it is not an ordinary elevator.

It’s a lack of control issue, I think.  I’m the kind of person who thrives on routine and knowing what to expect.  When the unexpected happens in life, it is as if the elevator doors are sucking me in. It’s not the only nightmare or uncomfortable dream I have.  I also have the bad dream where I need to get to an appointment, but after diligently trying, I am redirected over and over and cannot get there on time, or maybe even never.

It makes me laugh because I am terrible with directions, so the “never getting there” dream rings true sometimes.  After trying to find a particular location and being late because I am lost, it is not uncommon for me to pull over to the side of the road, completely frustrated, and make a call, or re-group.  Then, I have to take the necessary steps to get going in the right direction again.  Because I know I’m terrible with directions, it is like I almost predispose myself to getting lost.  Acknowledging my weakness only seems to make me weaker.

In many ways, my martial art journey started as a crazy elevator ride.  I needed someone to direct me to become a martial artist. I had fears, and I often felt like I was traveling completely sideways or upside down in the beginning.  Insecurities were at the forefront when I started.  I felt as if I was entering a dreaded elevator.  Martial arts were outside my safety zone until I found my stride.  Then, they became my safety net.  Instead of craziness, I started to feel better about myself.

Nightmares, small fears, and insecurities can infiltrate your life and create a negative impact.  They can prevent you from trying new things, or experiencing new adventures.  With my desire to please others, never make a mistake, and not get on the “elevator,” I was truly limiting myself as a person.  I had to open my mind.

Fortunately, martial arts made a positive impact on me.  I realized that I was not achieving. I wasn’t pushing myself to become any better.  I wasn’t striving to overcome fears, crush obstacles, or work through difficulties with diligence.  Martial arts helped me gain the confidence I needed to redirect the “sideways elevators” in my life, and not be afraid of getting lost on occasion.  I learned to view this lack of control as a  challenge instead of a demon.  I learned that for every negative, self-betraying thought, there was an answer.

Self-discovery.  No martial art instructor ever stood up before me and said “Andrea, you must let go of the control and learn to live in the moment.” No front kick or pattern revealed this truth, either. It was my mind that finally opened.

How was my mind opened through martial arts?  Looking back, I can narrow it down to a few factors.  Physical improvement, focus, and a creative and powerful outlet.  I was not overweight or in terrible shape, but I was not necessarily fit when I started, either.  As I started to notice improvement in strength, stamina, and flexibility, I saw a new version of myself.  As I learned defenses and techniques, I started to feel smarter about safety and awareness.  As I worked with partners and other students, I felt empowered.  These small accomplishments turned into big improvements for me. For the first time, I looked within and saw a part of me I didn’t know.

Having martial arts “tools” gave me the fortitude to not only become stronger mentally and physically, but to let go of fears.  My path was becoming clearer.  I didn’t need a GPS or directions to continue moving forward. I didn’t have to worry about “losing” anything; but, rather, gaining everything.  The doors were open wide and not closing on me.

So much for philosophy.

In the end, martial arts helped me eliminate my nightmares and instead, build a better belief-system in myself.  Fears only reveal themselves when you are lost and wondering where to turn.  Nightmares pop up when you are feeling vulnerable.  Martial arts gave me the power to not just be physical in my practice, and not just rid myself of nightmares, but to accept myself and create a better version of me.

I still get lost driving, too many times than I care to mention. and I still worry that the my life will swing out of control; but, they are no longer “recurring patterns.”  The only recurring pattern in my life, now, is a martial art mindset and black belt spirit.  I’m willing to take risks and go out on a limb.

Martial arts can mean anything that you want them to mean to you, too.  They can be used to strengthen your weaknesses. They can fill the gaps, ease the worry, set the stage, and give you fascinating opportunities.

It all comes down to one simple, discovery.  Martial arts opened my mind.

Andrea

 

 

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