Being stopped by 2 cop cars taught me a lesson, but it’s not what you think.

It had been a very long day!  I got up at 5:15 a.m. to get ready for work, made the hour drive, and got there just at 7:00 a.m.  I put in a full work day, then headed the hour drive home and over to teach nearly three karate classes (had to leave 1/2 say through the last one).  Then, I drove 40 minutes to get to a high school Varsity Football Game, in which my sophomore son, who is technically on JV, could possibly have the chance to play.

I was a little frustrated that after a long day I had to wait in line to buy a ticket.  There was a lightning delay the minute I walked through the gate and all attendees were ushered into the gymnasium where it was very hot and the two school bands attempted to play a few songs to keep us all occupied.  The game started up again and little by little we all trickled out of the gym back on to the field.  The game picked up still in the first quarter at 8:30 p.m.  It was bound to be a long night.   I was super tired already; after all, my day had started at 5:15 a.m. and there were still several hours of football ahead of me before I would even step foot back in my front door at home.

By the middle of the 4th quarter we had a great lead!  The sophomore aged kids who had dressed for the game finally had their chance near the end of the quarter.  It was great to see my son have the opportunity for which he had worked so diligently.  I was happy I stayed because just a while earlier I contemplated heading back to the school to sleep in the car while waiting for the football bus to arrive.

By the time the game ended and the hoopla settled down, I headed back 30 minutes to the high school to pick him up.  When I arrived, I fell asleep in the car for a few minutes waiting but finally he came out and at around 12:30 a.m., we headed another 20 minutes to home.

The Flashing Lights

Admittedly, I was tired.  Very tired.  I glanced down at my speedometer here and there to keep myself in check.   Out on a small rural type highway, I drove past a little gas station and headed toward the highway entrance.

I had the air blowing cold and sipped on a diet soda I had picked up on the way to the game a few hours earlier.  I was thankful for the clear skies and the fact that throughout the whole evening and all the driving I did that I didn’t get lost once, which was unusual for me.  And, our team won the game.  Everything was working out.

That’s when it happened.

I glanced in my rearview mirror and suddenly recognized some very bright lights  flashing right behind my car. Then I noticed that not just one, but two cars were following me.  I think I accidentally spewed out a few bad words just out of surprise and fear.

I’ve only been pulled over one other time in my entire life.  In that instance, I was driving down a country road where the speed limit rose from thirty to forty in one little stretch of road.  I was late for my child’s basketball game and rushed, pushing the pedal to maybe 38 mph!  I was going so slow, in fact, that no police lights were involved.  A policeman simply walked out in the middle of the road and stuck his hand out toward me, signaling me to stop.  Even though I had never received a ticket in my life, he happily wrote me one with a hefty fee.

Yes, you could say my police pursuits have been minimal.

Until last night when the police cars beckoned me to pull over.

Son, what did I do?  I questioned out loud but he just shook his head and looked at me.

Shaken Confidence

Isn’t it interesting how someone can shake your confidence in just a second?  And, even worse, you accept it.

A police officer is pulling me over = I must have done something wrong.  Obviously I did something?

When I was learning karate, my confidence was shaken many times. I compared myself to others who could jump hight or could do splits between two chairs or who could roll without wincing.  And, if I made a mistake and it was pointed out, I’d avoid that same technique for a while.  I just hated be called out on a mistake and my comparisons to others always left me questioning my own abilities.  Even though there were plenty of positive type reinforcements around me, I focused on the comment that measured me less than I wanted to be.

When I had to do some public speaking at work once and a comment came back that I needed some improvement in speaking skills, I was devastated.  That one comment knocked me down a level.  One comment.  One comment in the midst of several other fine comments blew my self-confidence out of the water.  And worse, I internalized it. For a long time after that I decided that I hated public speaking.  When I started doing it again, I thought, this isn’t so bad.  I’m as good as everyone else.  I finally let the one comment go and was able to move on.  Now I sit in front of my video camera and talk off the cuff about the benefits of martial arts.

I guess I could rattle off several instances when someone told me I would not be good at something or that I should give up on something; or who judged me just because they did not agree with me.  Even though my skin is tough up to a certain point, it was never tough enough to let criticism not affect me.

Before last night, I thought the days of questioning myself were over.  When I turned 50 I  promised myself that I would continue on a path that was set before me and would never care what others have to say or what they think if it’s just for the sake of being harsh or negative.

But, there I was pulled over on the side of a quiet road with two cop cars flashing behind me and asking myself what I had done.

Driving home in my tired state wasn’t easy.  My son and I couldn’t wait to get home to get some sleep.  As I worked my way toward the highway, I drove past two cop cars sitting side by side facing the road.  I glanced down at my speedometer.  Cool.  I’m under the speed limit.

You can imagine my surprise when I noticed the flashing lights behind me; lights that, in one instant, shook my confidence.

What lights shake your confidence?  What actions of others make you question your own abilities?  Body language, rude comments, lack of faith in your talents?  The words you can’t do it?  The exaggerated huff and puff of someone who disagrees with you?  A close relative who never sees eye to eye with you or who questions your every decision?  The flashing lights of those who tear you down because of jealousy or just because they do not want you to succeed?

So, in the few seconds on the side of the road, waiting for Mr. Police Officer, a few thoughts came to my mind, one of which was:  if I am doing something wrong, wouldn’t I know it?  At least in my shaken confidence I started to ask some questions. Then I thought further and came up with another analysis that affects us all.

How likely is it that you are oblivious to the fact that you are doing something wrong, hurtful, even hateful, until you are called out on it?  Racial slurs just because you were raised that way? Animosity toward others who are different from you?  Intolerance of other cultures?  As I sat on the side of the road, I accepted that even if I didn’t know, I had done something and was being called out on it.  In karate, cut and dry…hey, you’re not doing it right.  At work, your review says you need to improve here..” but in life, everyone judges you, everyone has an opinion, an agenda, and a way to shake your confidence.

Those flashing lights were a reminder that I’m as capable of doing something wrong as I am capable of doing something right.  The choice is always mine. Such compelling philosophical thoughts as the police officer with flashlight in inched his way closer to my car window.

No matter what it is, I told myself, I made no conscious attempt to do something wrong, yet still in the back of my mind I questioned myself.  Again, I asked myself, before the flashlight beam headed through my window, what did I do?  I had torturous visions about being dragged off to prison, mistakenly identified as some criminal; or being plucked out my car because of my red eyes and obvious tired demeanor.

The Violation

ma’am, is this your car?

Yes, sir.

May I see your driver license and registration?

Yes, sir.

I handed it over and he disappeared in the abyss, leaving me wondering my own fate, at 12:30 a.m., on country road with my son beside me.

Upon his return, the officer shared what he called a little known secret.

Most people do not know this, but there is a little light over the license plate and yours is out. I’m just going to give you a warning this time.  It won’t count against you.

What??? I just questioned my entire existence on this planet because the little doo-hickey light thingy over my license plate is out?  This is worth two police cars and a bunch of flashing lights?

Um, o.k., I mumbled, not sure what else to say.  Yet, it was great to know that no matter what, it would not count against me.

The Lesson

I can’t blame the Police Officer.  He was just doing his job.  Probably training a rookie cop in the middle of the night on how to properly stop a car and process a possible infraction.  It was, after all, his job.

Maybe without this little police encounter I would still be willing to allow others or their actions shake my confidence and question myself even when I know that I am right or that I can do it or that I did try.  I might be a black belt, a mom, an upstanding citizen in the community; but, deep down, I’m still like everyone with unexpected moments in life when  my psyche can be damaged.  Like the conscious choice to be happy and live a black belt life, I now know that I must choose to keep my true self in tact and allow my confidence to stick, the same way a great side kick sticks so perfectly in the air when it is executed correctly.  Even if someone unintentionally belittles or demeans me, I can choose to brush it off and move on.

My promise to you is that no matter what, I will never shake your confidence.  In fact, I want nothing more than for you to be happy and successful and fulfilled.  The only light that I will ever shine on you will be the spotlight that you deserve for being you.  And, if you do make a mistake, I won’t count it against you.

Now, speaking of lights, let me go get that little light over my license plate fixed before I get stopped again on the way home in the wee morning hours from another football game.  If that happens, then I can’t get off the hook for not knowing.

Getting pulled over by 2 cops taught me a lesson and gave me the best warning I’ve ever had; and I’ll pass the same warning on to you:

Don’t ever let anyone shake your confidence.

Be true to you and Win at Life.