Like you, I’ve had tons of struggles with time issues, staying positive through challenges, raising a family, working and multi-tasking just to keep up.  I don’t have a lot of “me” time and I sometimes compromise sleep or eating well.  If this is also you, don’t worry!  If you can carve a few moments out of your day, here and there, you can make small positive and lasting changes that will improve your life in a powerful way.

Taking baby steps in something, anything, can lead to big accomplishments.  Let’s start with how small change really adds up.  How I learned a martial art is a prime example.  All of my fears in the beginning of my training were eased when I realized that I was not expected to perform every newly taught skill with agility and perfection right from the get-go.  Once I recognized that there was plenty of time to make mistakes, correct them, and learn from them, I was able to work on just one simple skill at a time.  Each skill was added to a bigger set of skills and each bigger set of skills promised a new belt level and more challenging actions.

Learning the basics of a kick, or tackling balance issues in katas, was just the beginning.  These were the stepping stones on which I built my entire personal martial art repertoire, and how I earned not just a black belt, but a second degree, in the midst of building a family, a career, and an active role as a volunteer.  It was a step-by-step approach requiring patience and effort, with great rewards at the end.  The key is that one small achievement can bring you to bigger, better achievements.  For me, each step along the way created a pseudo staircase on which I could confidently climb to the next, higher level.  You can apply these same concepts to step up the staircase in your life to bigger and better things, too.

Have you ever thrown spare change into a jar every time you had some, and just let it sit over good bit of time?  All of that loose change starts to add up.  You might save up enough to actually buy something, or spend on a rainy day.  Small change in life builds up the same way.  If you combine all the small, positive changes that you are about to make, like throwing change in a jar, you can start to accumulate enough to fill up your life “jar” just a little bit more with awesome accomplishments.

So, what are these small positive changes that I am talking about?  There are many, and I bet if you took the time, you could identify a few of your own. But, here are a few musts to get you going:

Irrational Insecurities– One of the biggest things that holds you back is insecurity.  There is always something of which you are uncertain.  Your insecurities show up in the form of questions that you ask yourself.  Do I look okay?  Did I spell that right?  What if I don’t understand?  How will I figure this out?  There is only one way to combat insecurity and that is to put it to rest once and for all.  It does not matter if you make mistakes, have a bad hair day, or don’t understand every concept presented to you.  You will never do everything right, nor will you do everything wrong.

To eliminate insecurities, you will have to learn to play a new game.  It’s called the mind game.  Every time insecurity reveals itself, you must talk back to it, in your mind.   Work through your insecurities by reminding yourself of your goodness, whenever the question of doubt presents itself.  I look good today!  I finally understand this!  I made a difference today!  Once you play the mind game a few times, it becomes more natural to appreciate, rather than condemn yourself.

Jaded Jealousy-  Even when you feel good about you, someone comes along and shakes up all your good vibes in a bad way.  They suddenly have the very item you’ve always wanted or have something so much nicer than you that it makes what you have seem worth much less.   Your neighbor bought a new car; your cousin got accepted to the Ivy League school on which you had your heart set; your best friend saved up enough money to buy a house right on the beach.  Suddenly, your 2005 compact car looks dated; you are slightly hopeful to make it into a community college; and your small apartment seems barely big enough for one person.

It is funny how just a few minutes before the unintended comparison started, you loved your great, efficient car; you were thankful costs at the community college were so reasonable; and you finally finished decorating your little place just the way you want it.  Comparing your stuff to others is a sure-fire way to make yourself miserable.  There will always be someone with more and better.  You need to focus on what dwells inside of you, rather than material things.  Material things can come and go, but your personality is a permanent part of who you are.  Stop worrying about what you don’t have, and go a step further and love who you are and what you do have.

Have you ever thought about the fact that in martial arts, many schools, including ours, require that all students wear the same white gi?  This eliminates any jealousy and keeps students from being concerned about what others are wearing so they can focus on what is being taught.  No one has a really expensive gi nor does anyone have a lesser quality one.  Boys and girls wear the same thing; they are not treated any differently and look the same.  No body types are addressed and no personalization is allowed.  No one has a frilly one or a decorated one, a colorful one or a black one.  When the instructor looks out, there is a sea of students in white gi’s all ready to listen and learn.  They are not distracted by each other.  The main purpose of wearing a gi  has nothing to do with eliminating jealousy in the dojo; but it is an outcome that helps students avoid unecessary comparisons.

Jealousy is difficult to control and even more difficult to eliminate, but in the dojo, and in your life, jealousy should have no place.

Baggage Be Gone– If you have some baggage from the past, welcome to the club.  I don’t think any one of us has lived this far without having a ghost or two still lurking in the closet.  A bad past is like regrets, but regrets are often things you wish you had done differently.  A bad past may have been out of your control.   You may be from a poor family.  You may have never learned to read until you were an adult.  You may have been abused.  Your parent may have been an alcoholic.  Some of these things will take many years with which to come to terms.  Some may require professional help.  You need to come to grips one day with a couple of important variables:

1. It was not your fault
2. You must stop it from impinging on your life

In high school I had a good friend.  He would come to my house to study or we would meet at the library.  He didn’t talk about his family much except about his younger brother who also went to our high school.  One night we were in the library and his brother rushed in to tell him he was needed at home.  The look on both of their faces told me something was definitely a problem.   We went to his house to find his drunken mother wandering out on the front lawn yelling and carrying on.  He was extremely embarrassed as he tried to catch her and coerce her back inside of the house.  Later, he confided that she was an alcoholic and this behavior happened all the time.  He and his brother had to raise themselves and try to keep her under control.

There is really nothing he could have done differently.  He was a teenager trying to survive, keep his family unit together, and protect his mother.  I don’t know where he lives now, after all these years but I hope that he has been able to move on past this tremendous heartbreaking baggage.   I hope he knows it was not his fault and that his life can be free from the hurt if he seeks to move away from it and toward something positive.

Some baggage is hard to get rid of, ever.  Whatever your baggage is, ask yourself if you can let it go; or, do you feel destined to carry it with you forever?  Can you pack it up, like dirty laundry in a suitcase, and give that suitcase a quick, swift kick into never-never land where it will never be opened again?

Karate is the perfect way to get rid of baggage.  It not only offers an instant release, but also a long term solution for anger, tension, and frustration.  Karate forces the mind to move beyond pain, hate, and hurtful damage that has built up for years.  Imagine the relief of punching and kicking with all your might against a sparring bag.  Yell.  Focus.  Let it all go and no one will think that you are doing anything other than practicing your skills. Daily frustrations are easily addressed; but the ones that have been years in the making also rise to the surface.  Each punch pushes those old feelings of embarrassment or insecurity away and each kick, like internal chi, sends disgust and dishonor on its way.

A cleansing power, a deeper understanding, and the birth of a spirit/body reaction, all describe the trememdous mental benefits the martial arts have to offer.  They help to slowly eliminate some of the baggage.  The more you practice, the more you will take charge of your future by usurping your past.

Update Your Perspective– Artists often draw still objects like a vase of flowers on a table.  It the artist is a child, though, wouldn’t the drawing look a lot different than if it was drawn by an elderly person?  The child will probably focus on the colors and the big, chunky overall picture.  The elder might see the details as they relate to his life, the tiny vein-like wrinkles in each petal that makes up the flower.  What would you see?

Every single thing, every action and reaction, every problem and solution, is seen differently depending on the eyes through which it is seen.  In the same way that a vase of flowers is interpreted differently in the eyes of each artist, life is seen differently, too.  The great thing about perspective is that you can change it on a whim.  Just using the quick scenario above, you can see how if you think the way someone of a different age thinks, you either see a big clunky colorful vase or the tiny detail that gives a flower life.

Maybe using age as a perspective changer is not the only perspective we should consider.  How about other cultures?  Other skin colors?  Other financial backgrounds?  Other ethnicities?  When we take just a moment to indulge in other perspectives our whole world changes.  What was once complicated is now simple; once negative is now positive; once inconvenient is timely.

I often talk about a martial art “mindset.”  This is simply a reference to perspective.  My way of thinking has changed dramatically since I started learning and practicing martial arts.  All the expected transformations took place, like confidence, perseverance, self-respect and focus; but, some unexpected ones occurred too.  Things like applying a positive approach to all I do, or always striving to give 100% effort.  These things I learned from years of practice in the martial arts.  Before my learning, I was always quick to jump to conclusions and I had little faith that every hurdle could be cleared.  I saw myself as less than I actually was, always wondering when I would feel more fulfilled, more accomplished.  I wanted to base my self-worth on material things, such as what kind of car I was driving, the size of my engagement ring, and the location of my home.  In fact, when I worked that first “real” job as a private investigator, the first few purchases I made were beautiful pieces of jewelry and a Gucci watch.  I had made it.  This was success, right?  At least using my perspective at the time it felt like success.  But just short while after each paycheck, after each purchase, I realized that inside I felt no differently than I had before the money was available or the purchases were made.

It was not until I started taking martial arts that I felt a real “success.”  It was a feeling cultivated from deep within.  The physical work-out and the mental challenges prompted me to search for a perspective that was more real, clearer.  It was nothing other than the real me emerging, similar to a butterfly sprouting from a cocoon.   My perspective was no longer big and chunky, nor was it minutely detailed.  It fell somewhere in between, viewed from a place I had never seen before.  It manifested in compassion and a desire to help others.  Close friends know about my passion for the martial arts and how it helped me view life from a different perspective.  They know that I have a listening ear when they need it or that I will stand with them when they are struggling.  It is a not perspective built on material things or even personal achievement; it is a perspective built on the compassion that martial arts helped me nourish as my true success factor.

The next time you look out over the breadth of your life, look as if through someone else’s eyes.  Update your perspective and you will be amazed at what you see.  When you look out in front of you to the still objects, if you tilt your head a little one way or the other, you may notice something that had no meaning to you until you changed your perspective.

When you meet a stranger or chat with an old friend, think from their perspective.  Listen to what they have to say and why it is important to them; not why it is important to you.  That is one small change you can make that one day will make you just overall, a kinder person.

Quick, Dirty, and Positive

Almost everything here you can apply to yourself and to your life in minutes flat.  Baggage is the only exception, based on how deeply affected you are from it.  If it’s a carry-on bag, then toss it overboard!  As for insecurity, jealousy, and perspective, these are the coins that you can start to collect in your jar.  Each time you banish insecurity, detect and deter your jealousy, or look at something from a different perspective, you are adding more coins to your collection.  After a while, when it is time to empty the jar, achievements and personal success will wad up and be worth more than a big bundle of cash.

My daily journey with martial arts gave me all the mental wealth I needed to finally achieve two black belts even though my life was hectic.  Because I accepted and mastered the small steps, I was able to move upward and onward.  I know for a fact that my life changed when I learned the martial arts.  What can you do to update your mindset and your perspective?  What stepping stones can you put in place right now that will lead you to personal success or bring you exactly where you want to be in life?

The best part is the positive result.  Each of the updates mentioned here will make you a happier, more capable person.  Whatever your definition of success, whether it is personal, financial, or other, can be achieved when you apply a step by step approach.  Skip on your personal stepping stones.  Step up your life ladder. Collect a bunch of pocket change in your life jar.  These changes can be quick, but they require some effort.  In the end your positive change will  add up to abundant richness in your life.

Make your changes and Win at Life.

Andrea