Respect and courtesy play a huge role in martial arts. You typically bow when you enter through the door of the dojo or school. You bow to the partner with whom you practice. Before you start your sparring match, you graciously tap the mitt of your opponent in good sportsmanship.  When a sparring match in class ends and you win, you don’t jump up and down like you’ve just scored a touchdown in the Superbowl. Instead, you are respectful and courteous to your opponent.  Winning is celebrated respectfully.

When I teach, I hope to impart lessons of respect and courtesy along with all the physical skills.  I use courteous words and behaviors and mannerisms myself as an example.  I listen intently to questions, show a technique several times until it is understood, and help to motivate each student to try his best.  In return, I expect students to pay attention and put forth a good effort.

I am part of many martial arts social media groups.  I find that the members are respectful.  They offer insights and motivation and watch out for each other.  When negativity infiltrates, it doesn’t seem to stay long because it is recognized as disrespectful to the group and it’s not welcomed.  A shared respect and implied courtesy exists.  These are traditions that infiltrate the martial arts sphere from many directions.  Student or Sensei, respect and courtesy are inherent in the art and are part of learning and teaching.  They are as important as any other part of a martial art.

I wish respect and courtesy in life were as prevalent and strong as they are in martial arts.  Simple things mean so much, like nodding hello as you walk through a store; lending a helping hand to another person; saying “thank you” or “please.”  Another way to inspire respect is to be complimentary to others, not always rush to point out their faults or weaknesses.  I know the world is in rush-mode and you are so busy that courtesies at times get forgotten.  If you become so complacent that you forget to use respect or courtesy, it can affect a breakdown in communities and culture.  When you stop helping others or reaching out respectfully, you run the risk of forgetting what really matters. Just as the Sensei teaches elements of courtesy and respect to the student, you have a responsibility to treat others with humility, patience, and honor.

Some friends recently asked me how I manage to write so many blog posts, magazine articles, work out, teach karate, volunteer, life coach, and have a family life.

My response is:  “I focus on the things that mean the most to me.”

I want to step out of ordinary and into extraordinary.  I want to be a true example of respect and courtesy.  I am willing to work twice as hard to step up from the lowest level of  “mundane.”  I can only truly motivate you if I am  doing what I tell you to do.  I don’t want to waste your time unless I’m going to share something meaningful. A blog with no merit is useless.

I can think of a handful of times recently when I had a few respect problems myself, lashing out after a long day to a family member, or struggling to maintain a positive attitude.    I cannot be an example to others if I haven’t lived it; the ups and downs, failures and triumphs, and the joys and sorrows. My emotions run the gamut and so do my actions, but I’ve learned to shorten the duration of the bad moments and identify my own worst behaviors.  I share the genuine me because you  deserve the respect and courtesy of someone who really understands what it means to struggle and stay afloat, to battle and win.

I wear respect like a handbag over my shoulder, like nail polish on my fingernails.  I tie it around my waist like a black belt.  Putting it down, taking it off, or removing it creates a void.  It has to be as much a part of me as any other habit or personal accessory in order to be effective.

The only way to confirm that you believe and trust the value of respect and courtesy is to assess yourself and look at your day.  Have you given someone the credit he deserves?  Have you thanked the person behind the counter where you paid for your purchase?  Have you applauded the person who achieved recognition for going an above and beyond to achieve something special?  How about the other end of the spectrum?  Have you lashed out at someone for no reason?  Cut someone off in traffic on purpose or with spite?  Spewed out a few curse words in a fit of anger?  If so, let’s suffice it to say,  you are not alone.  We all have the opportunity to improve.

Why is respect and courtesy so important?

When you apply respect and courtesy to your actions and reactions, you make small strides toward peace in our world; peace that is currently fractured.  The martial arts culture is one that clearly combines these two traits in conjunction with tradition and the result is exemplary.  Respect and courtesy on a small-scale, beginning with you, can help to curb violence and increase peace.  You must think about others and see the big picture in order to make strides in that direction.

If you ever wonder what kind of positive change you can personally make that will have an affect on the world, you can start with respect and courtesy.  If you smile at someone, chances are they will smile back; say hello and most likely you’ll get a response.  Enter your life and the lives of others with as much honor and respect as you use when you enter the dojo.  You must take the first step, at the threshold of the door.

From now on, each bow I use in the dojo will be a reminder for me to use respect and courtesy throughout class and my life. There will be bad decisions when I accidentally lash out at someone, or people I take for granted on occasion; but, I’m going to do my best to keep those times to a minimum. If there is one way I can better myself that requires no training, no physical exertion, and with little effort, it is to add respect and courtesy to everything I do.

This blog post?

Just think of it as an act of respect and courtesy to thank you for reading and being a part of my life.  Without you, I’d have nothing important to say. You help me Win at Life each and every day.

Respectfully,

Andrea