In today’s world, respect, or lack thereof, is such an issue, isn’t it?

Martial arts are all about respect. When you walk into the dojo, you bow.  When you spar or work with a partner, you bow to them. You use respectful works.  You use manners. You treat your instructor respectfully, honoring his teaching and his lessons.  You learn to respect your own power and abilities. If we could shift these martial arts “respects” to daily life, we would all start to see each other differently.  Graciousness and respect can exist.

But, usually, it does not.

People just say what is on their minds, without caring if others want to hear it.  Or, they openly condemn others without knowing the full story.  Or, they gossip, nitpick, or nag about something or someone.  No one takes the time to research the facts.  One headline about a cultural mishap, one rumor about hate or brutality, or one insinuation of guilt, and we jump right in, ready to opine and demean and condemn.

I’m not willing to take political sides on something I don’t understand. I don’t watch the news or listen to gossip.  I’m smart enough to say if I don’t know enough about a relevant issue  to make a decision one way or the other.  I’m not willing to make judgments on little or inaccurate information. Respect is part of manners, courtesy, and cooperation. It also requires listening, learning, and caring.  You can easily disrespect another person by saying something out of line, by pointing a finger at their faults or by spreading untruths. It only takes a moment; one very single moment to deplete respect from a person, a family, a culture. You can see why it is so important.

Part of the respect issues today also revolve around a lack of self-respect. I may seem a bit old-fashioned or opinionated, but I’ll take the risk of criticism that comes with my ideals.

Modesty no longer exists. There are so many women or even young girls who have forgotten, or never learned, that there is no need to wear practically nothing in order to be popular, gain friends, or express individuality.  Every time I am on Facebook and I see a woman exposing some part of her body for attention, I cringe.  She may get a lot of views on her Facebook page or social media; but, what kind of attention is that? How does it make her appear to others? They will never see beyond her exposed parts to the person she truly is on the inside.

Instead of exposing her talents and abilities, or how smart she is, she is exploiting herself.

There are plenty of examples.  As a woman, I believe that how you dress and act and look is important, and that it should highlight your beauty in a way that is genuine and true. Sex sells, yes, but natural and genuine individual beauty is more profound. Most of the women I know in person or on social media clearly use respectful boundaries in their everyday appearance.  On occasion I’ll see a post that, in a way, draws sexism into what should be a respected tradition.  I warn women, martial artists or not, to be modest and mature when posting photographs if you wish to be seen as who you really are.  While no one has the right to disrespect others, inevitably women who do not dress or act in some modest fashion will only be seen one way.  You might as well roll a magic eraser over all of their talents and contributions. It is a cycle that is very difficult to change.

When I had a professional photo shoot recently and started posting the photos on my Facebook page, I received hundreds of friend requests, both men and women.  It is a clear example that how you look and present yourself is a responsibility. I try to make sure I use poise and dignity in photos. To be considered beautiful while wearing a gi is a good example of how modesty and beauty still exists. It’s still me, my hair, my eyes, the way I smile, perhaps a powerful pose, but nothing that degrades or downplays me as a woman.  I have made an effort to really “put myself out there” because people want to see who I am.  I’m willing to share, as long as I can maintain my own level of self-respect.  I want to be seen as a respected martial artist, instructor, and writer.

How you dress, act, and behave, in many ways, dictates the amount of respect you will receive.  I know that it is not fair and I know you should do whatever you want, because those are your rights.  The difficulty lies in the perception.  What others see. What they believe you want.  What they think you feel.  What they assume they know about you.  The words that roll of your tongue, whether negative or positive, affect those around you. How you present yourself, whether with grace or little respect, is the image others will carry about you.  Whether you smile, or spit out scorn, will elicit a good or bad reaction from others.

Martial arts have taught me many things, but one of the most important lessons is about respect; respect of others and respect of myself.  I have learned to appreciate others, to teach them and learn from them through my martial arts practice.  I have learned to respect my own ability to  balance my days of difficulty with my days of joy and to push through obstacles.  There is always a black belt response to everything I do.  A martial artist should be the epitome of respect. If you are a martial artist, Are you leading by example?  Are you placing respect at the forefront of your practice and your life?  Are you taking your responsibility of self-respect seriously?

I’m passionate about what I write and about how I present myself.  If you are going to get to know me, I want you to know the good parts.  If I get to choose how you see me, I’m going to choose that you see me as a helpful, positive, caring person, because ultimately that is who I want to be.

No, I am not here to judge or criticize.  It’s more of an “eye-opener” that I’m trying to establish.  Open your eyes to your environment and the respect that is necessary.

You don’t need to share an unsolicited opinion. You don’t need to bash others in order to make yourself look good. You don’t need to disrespect.  In the end, respect is a character trait that guides and protects.  Use it.

Respect.

Andrea