Aggravation.  I feel it, on occasion.  It sometimes even controls me and that’s when I know I’ve gone overboard.  Some aggravations are minimal; some have lasting impact.  Some I let affect me; others I completely push away.  There are some moments, when stuck in the midst of aggravation, you have to just roll with the punches. I admit it…I’m not good with rolling with the punches.

I had to run an errand recently and I didn’t realize it would land me in downtown, the world of one-way streets.  I got turned around a few times.  It felt like one of those dreams where you are trying to get somewhere but can never get there.  Persistence paid off, though, because I finally ended up in the front of the building.  Great!

Oh….Parking meters….

What happened to the day of putting a few quarters in the meter and going on your merry way?  This one required a telephone call to a to a friendly robotic voice who quickly insists you press “2” to in order to pay for the parking spot.

I pressed “2.”  Nothing. It kept reverting back to the message that tells you to press “2.”  I kept pressing “2.”  Soon, I was slamming my finger on the phone….22222222222. It wouldn’t connect.  My aggravation increased.  I texted my husband “these meters won’t work!”  He soon called me back and tried to find a solution but all he kept saying was “stop being angry; that is not going to solve anything!”

“I’m NOT ANGRY!” I bellowed.

I got back in the car because I didn’t want to get a parking ticket and I drove a few blocks where I could find free parking.

I didn’t prepare for this outing very well at all.  My destination was six blocks away and my sweaty feet were wedged in four-inch heels. I had to slip them off my feet and carry them. My pretty dress drifted in the wind as I walked through town with my purse in one hand and my heels in the other. If nothing else, an attacker would receive a four-inch heel somewhere he would not suspect.

I know I left out the most important part of the story.  I was livid.  Truly, it wasn’t anything worth getting so worked up over.  I admit, I am horrible with rolling with the punches. When my husband told me to stop being angry, I also became defensive.  It’s very humorous looking back on it now, especially when I angrily said “I’m NOT ANGRY!”

Let me suffice it to say that everything ended up working out.  I was on time, made the appointment, and didn’t cut my feet anywhere along the way walking through the streets of downtown.  If I had only remained a little more calm, if I had just rolled with the punches, I probably would have found a better solution and earlier.  Instead I wasted brain power and positivity by allowing anger and obstacles to control me.  If I had looked around as I was walking I would have noticed that everyone else was just rolling with the punches.  It’s downtown, full of quirky people. I actually fit right in with the “out of the ordinary” by walking barefoot in the middle of town in a professional dress.

Where can I learn to roll with the punches and not freak out when something unexpected happens?  The place where punches probably really matter is probably a good place to start….my martial arts training.

Rolling with the Martial Art Punches

Literally, learning or teaching a martial art requires a lot of  patience and flexibility (both of which I failed to apply in my downtown experience).  The instructors and the students need to roll with the punches constantly.  Content and ideas, styles and creeds might cross the paths of the student and the teacher.  Changes might take place in the dojo. There may be personality conflicts, confidence issues, or mental barriers.  Without a the ability to go with the flow and fix as you go, no one would ever learn a martial art.

If you cannot roll with the punches, you’re gonna get beat up.  In life.  In martial arts.

Punches teach so many great lessons.  In class, you get to exert force, be strong and focused, to make that punch land where you want it.  As a defender, you must learn to effectively deter and deflect.  Punching also releases a lot of pent-up frustration when you combine it with a good, powerful yell.  Stand in front of the bag and give it a few good fistfuls and you start to feel stronger and more in control.

I don’t particularly want to be the recipient of a punch.  There are a few ways to  “roll” with the punches.  You can move out-of-the-way and let momentum carry the punch in a direction away from you instead of toward you. Duck, bob, move slightly to one side or the other, or use a block.  A punch is a masterpiece of muscle and mind and on its own is a very powerful tool or weapon, depending on your perspective.  If a punch is flying at you, it is not comfortable, it doesn’t feel good, it is scary and creates fear and anger.  That sounds so much like the daily battles you must face every day in life.

Life’s Punches

Life’s punches are really no different from that fast and furious fist punch in karate class or in an altercation.  There is no time to think.  No time to prepare.  Hopefully your response helps you cope, defend, and survive. You may need to face challenges, obstacles, and the punches that life can throw at a moment’s notice.  You may not even know what is happening when BAM! you are knocked down.

All of the little hiccups I experienced while on my errand downtown are like a good sparring match and I was losing.  They were a compilation of punches that I couldn’t prevent because my mindset was jumbled and occupied with the negative.  One little punch turned into another, like a left-right-left combo leaving me with no time to recuperate.

Getting lost.  No place to park.  Meters won’t work. Blocks away.  Four inch heels. Hot outside.

One obstacle, one punch, would have been plenty, but I was bombarded with several.  That’s when my anger intensified and my frustrations increased.  No good solution will ever be realized in that frame of mind.

If I had been a little more patient, I could have perhaps alleviated some of the downtown issues on my own.  The problem was that I wasn’t willing to roll with the punches.  I wasn’t willing to look for a good solution.  I accepted the first solutions that came to mind and they were inadequate.  Anger was my influence. A little patience may have led me to figure out the parking meter problem.  A little on spot anger management could have helped me calmly discuss the matter on the phone with my husband to find a better result. Instead, I felt the whole thing was just unfair.  Boo hoo.

Have you ever felt you’ve been treated unfairly or just had a bad experience? You would rather forget, but you are in a situation where you have to deal with those “punches?”  Here’s what I suggest, and obviously what I DIDN’T do:

1. Stop and regroup.  Get the emotions out for a minute.  Do what you need to do; scream, pull your hair, curse, whatever. Get it out of your system.  Then, calm down.

2. Make a list of options.  Stupid ones.  Silly ones.  Ones filled with anger.  Anything that comes to mind.

3. Close your eyes and count to ten.

4. Look at the list and cross off all the stupid, silly, anger-filled options and see what’s left.  Hopefully there are a couple of good, solid, viable options that aren’t guided by your frustration.

5. If nothing is viable, call a friend or family member.  Let them know right away you are very frustrated.  Allow them to give you some proposed solutions.  Just listen.  Don’t say a word.  Get the advice and say “thank you.”

6. Pick the best solution of all those on your list or provided by your friend/family.  Time might be of the essence, so tuck the anger away and implement.

7.  Complete the task.

8.. Roll with the punches and make the best of it.

As I entered the establishment to where I was headed, I appeared the usual, confident, professional Andrea that I always am.  No one would have suspected that I just allowed frustration and anger to overwhelm me.  In the midst of my journey, I totally forgot my martial art mindset.  It was the first time, in a long time, that I didn’t use that mindset to make the best of a situation and not overreact.

When all was said and done, I left the building and calmly walked back to the car. Finally I was able to say “this is not a big deal” and realize “there is a solution to everything.”  Finally, I corrected my behavior and reminded myself that anger and frustration make simple challenges amazingly difficult.  Why had I overreacted?  I don’t know.  It doesn’t really matter.  The importance of “rolling with the punches” hit home.  The necessity of applying a martial art mindset in all of my tasks, journeys, and circumstances, will help me deal with life’s punches in a more positive way.

A punch is sure to come your way soon.  What will you do?  If you decide to get angry, you might regret it.  If you remain calm, and do your best to deflect it, you may find a better solution.

I’m obviously no expert in controlling situations or reacting in a positive way all the time.  One thing I now know is this:  Winning at Life is the ability to overcome a series of challenges and burdens.  Walk a few blocks with your shoes in your hands.  Find a different place to park.  Just keep going.  Just don’t give up.  Just….roll with the punches.

Andrea