Someone asked me recently, do you know who you are?  I provided the usual reply, “a mother, wife, martial artist, writer, friend…” blah, blah, blah.

The truth is I didn’t take even a moment to think about it.  And, what I spewed so quickly are the roles I play, not really who I am.  No, to get an answer to that immense question takes a lot more thought than that.  I had to dig a little deeper.  The meaning of who I am flows from these roles and perhaps landed me in these roles, but what I carry deep within is what truly holds the key.

So, I decided to delve a little further, going back to my youth to see how I emerged into the person I am today.  Surprisingly, I found one attribute, one single passion, that touches all of my roles as mother, wife, martial artist, friend.  It is this one character trait that transforms me into all of these other things.  It is funny how I never thought of it that way before.  It never even entered my mind that I was born to be something that I would never even acknowledge until I was in my 50’s.

I suppose middle-age is the time in your life when you question all the decisions you make and have made throughout your life. This mid-life point is also when you look back to see if you have changed or stayed the same. I think you will realize that you are the same as you have always been, although may have made choices and changes that mold who you are today.

Don’t wait as long as I did to finally think about who you are or who you want to be.  It took me a lifetime, even though it was as clear as day and as simple as it could be.  There is a part in each of us that we deny  for many reasons. Perhaps fear of failure rules, or lack of confidence prevails. We  probably do not share our gifts and talents that are meant to flourish in the world for a reason we do not recognize.

When I was ten years old, I learned to play the guitar.  This is the first key to who I am. I would sit for hours and strum out a few chords.  But, that’s not all.  There were always words flowing.  I started to write love songs at that early age.  Words that personified true love. I knew what love looked like and understood heartache and loneliness from reading or  watching television.  It looked like something that only a good song could help.

So, I took the words and I took the chords and I blended them together until a song emerged, much like how I feel about writing today. Every time I put a song together I looked back at it was surprised at my own abilities and thought,  I created that?  I still have some of those songs.  If I pick up the guitar it doesn’t take me long to play the first love song I ever wrote.  That’s when you know you are doing what you are meant to do.  You look back and see your own talent as if it belongs to someone else.

The sad part about identifying the key to who I am is that I wouldn’t even call myself a “writer” until my first article was published in a shiny martial arts magazine. Even though I’ve been steadily writing since I was ten years old, I waited for someone to confirm it.  I waited years to be published in one article before I would call myself a “writer.”

That, my friends, is too long to wait.

I waited because of lack of confidence.  I waited because I wanted someone else to confirm it.  I waited because I wasn’t sure being a writer meant anything.  But now I realize the disservice I did to myself.

You might wonder  how this one passion touched my life as wife, mother, martial artist, and friend.  It came in the shape of handwritten cards I gave my husband as we were dating; it carried me through difficult pregnancies in a journal; it chronicled my martial arts experiences; and it prompted  me sit here and talk to you as if you are on the other side of the table.

Finally, I’m able to call myself a writer because that’s who I am.  Whatever anyone else says will never change that now.  I’ve finally accepted a part of who I am and realize my mission does not need to be confirmed or denied by anyone.  That is the choice I must make.  Today I’m working on my third book, my blog, a local newspaper, and a new podcast. I am a writer, through and through.

So, who are you?  Think about it.  Are you being true to yourself and giving yourself the credit you deserve?  Not the role you play, not the tasks you accomplish, but the very something that makes you who you are.  Once you embrace that you will find freedom in it. There are times when you may think you know who you are but it does not come to fruition.

It is so interesting that my lifetime of writing meant nothing until I published a karate article.  All the skills that I learned in martial arts classes or through teaching surfaced in other ways.  Some of my favorite stories that I write are about my martial art students, or how I overcame obstacles in my martial arts journey.

It’s Your Turn.  Take time now to think about who you are and recognize the little voice that calls to you from within.  That voice that has been there since you were a little child.  Martial artist or not, the intricacies of your heart hold a very important key and that is the key to who you are.

Strip away all of your roles for one moment and see what’s left.  Don’t wait for someone to tell you who you are.  Not unless you want many years to slip by. I can attest that is much too long.

Find your truth.

Andrea

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