“I don’t have anything to look forward to.”

About ten years ago, I woke up that way.  I had four children and after a trying for a couple of years for a fifth, I finally realized that it just was not meant to be.  For whatever reason, four was going to be it.  My ambition, my devotion, and my anticipation in life always centered around the excitement I felt in being pregnant and bringing a new child into the world.  I was suddenly sad and discouraged to know that part of my life was finished. I felt disillusioned, thinking how many children I wanted was my choice. I had to come to terms with the fact that at 42 I was finished.  That was an awakening.  A life changer. A step into another phase of life. Was I ready for that change?

What does any of this have to do with being a warrior?

The baby thing was just one of many incidents in my life that did not turn out as I had planned or as I had hoped.  Financial difficulties.  Living in an unfinished house for five years.  Extinguishing fires on my property. Thinking I missed my calling.  Facing middle age and wondering what older life had in store.  Each of these things changed my life permanently.   I had to adapt and be flexible and acknowledge that my path is not always of my own choosing.  Facing and overcoming these battles has everything to do with being a warrior. I am sure you have had these moments in your life, too.

How many times have you set sail into a well-thought out plan and had to change course?  How many times have you started something only to realize it will not work?  A new business? A new job? A degree? A financial endeavor? A friendship? A relationship?  Not everything you hope will happen comes to fruition. Did you get stuck in the loss of it? Did you feel like a failure? Did you dread the outcome? Did you fear it was for the worse? Did you find yourself succumbing to believing that you were not worthy because the tides turned?

To change one’s course in the midst of a storm, to adapt to the obstacles placed in life’s way, is what the willful warrior must do.

When I reminded myself that I was fortunate to have four children (especially when some who desperately want kids can’t have any), and even though motherhood felt more like my purpose than anything, this truth was a moment of abrupt clarification.  In the midst of my discouragement I understood that this change was nothing more than a nudge to move forward, to seek out and determine my other roles in life.  A discouragement turned blessing.  A change in my own behavior to bring everything back into focus.  I had to will it.  I had to be proactive.  I had to change my perspective and when I did, the warrior in me was revealed.

I must mold my life as only I can, become conscious of the world around me and how I can use my talents, and foster goodness, compassion, and meaning.  Only a brave and experienced fighter will risk it.  Only a courageous thinker will accept the mysteries of his life and allow them to work in his favor.  That is a willful warrior.

When a moment of disappointment settles in, you can take control.  You can make decisions and accept change.  You can allow yourself happiness in a path that you never knew existed. Be open and be honest with yourself. One plan can be as good as the next, as long as it is positive and encouraging and allows you to live life fully.  When you conquer that, you are on the path to becoming a winning warrior.

The Warrior Mindset

I’m not going to lie. I didn’t know much about a warrior mindset before I started learning a martial art back in the 1980’s.  Up until then my life was average.  I didn’t really stand for anything in particular.  I had limited opinions.  I was more of a follower than a leader, and I didn’t seek excellence.  I was, in fact, average.

That is not to say I didn’t have potential.  That is exactly the one thing I had going for me.  I found potential lurking in every crevice of my life.  Learning a martial art, before I had any children, was fun and rewarding and I was good at it.  I was naturally flexible and willing to learn.  It was the first time a path was set before me that I had not really considered before.  I emerged, over time, as a teacher, a leader, and a passionate martial artist. I was able to apply my potential to my life in so many ways.  When change affects you or when you feel like a part of your life is lost or abandoned, you have to fight back by recognizing and implementing your potential.

It is always my life-long martial art mindset that pulls me through.  My martial art will never wilt just because of my age and it brings me back to center wherever I go or whenever my life goes awry. My potential rose to the surface through martial arts.  Today, I’m engrossed in a martial art lifestyle.  Teaching. Writing. Speaking. Sharing. Something I never imagined, but it always fills the empty spot quite nicely.

I share all of this because by understanding myself a little more, I also understand you.  Human nature.  Your psyche.  The feeling of wanting to give up when things get tough.  I know.  I’ve been there and I had no idea how to apply a warrior mindset either.

The warrior mindset is really a manifestation of achieving personal growth, seeking excellence, and not allowing obstacles to deter  your purpose, mission, and goal, unless there is no other way.  If an obstacle arises that cannot be changed, like my realization that I could not have any more children, then you need to move past it.  Believe me, if you pursue something wholeheartedly and it is not meant to be, it won’t happen.  You can try for years.  You can pray, hope and believe.  If it is not meant to be, you will need to choose an alternate path and that is when you must implement a willful warrior way.

Martial arts, for me, was an easy way to learn about the warrior way because mindset is an integral part of what is practiced.  Your mind continually supports your actions, telling you that you can do it, that you are just as good, and allowing your competitive and your contemplative nature to rise.

You don’t need to be a martial artist to become a willful warrior.  What you need is to be committed to purposeful change when it is necessary.  You must be mindful and thoughtful, and willing to accept change as it comes your way instead of throwing your hands up in a huff and proclaiming “I have nothing to look forward to!”

Do you think you are not powerful?  Think again.  The power of positive and adaptive thinking is yours.

How to Win as a Warrior

I’m not going to say it’s easy to be a willful warrior because nothing worthwhile in life is ever easy.  There are some things worth fighting for, some things that, when tweaked, can open up the door to warrior status in your life.

Learn to go with the flow.  Easier said than done, I know. I can think of a handful of times when I fought against the flow.  I even tried to stop the flow.  That is when you hinder yourself.  Change is difficult and you don’t like it.  It feels safer when you are in a routine, not a rut.  It feels more comfortable when you can be the same as always then it does when something shakes up your life without warning.

“Your life is changing.”  That’s what I thought my quiet voice was saying to me.  What I should have heard was, “the times are changing and it’s time for you pursue new interests along with being a mother.” 

To hear the voice that tells you that it is okay to move on from your pre-planned dreams is to hear the voice of the warrior.  To follow that internal voice is to follow the warrior within.  To implement the changes and allow your warrior within to guide you in your life is to be a willful warrior.

Each experience is different.  Will your warrior mission be clear?  Maybe not.  It will take a level of discernment from all of the experiences in your life to know if you are headed in the right direction.  A simple test is always if what you are doing feels right or feels wrong.  You know when you are in a situation that does not really mesh with who you are.  You feel it when you are with a group of people who are not like-minded.  You notice that surrounding yourself with negativity eventually brings you down, too.  Recognize who you are and who you want to be.  Exert your will fully and purposefully.

I have four amazing children.  I could write amazing and unique blog posts about each one of them.  I also have an amazing life as a martial artist, a martial arts instructor, a martial arts writer, and a motivator.  I think things turned out exactly as they were meant to be.  I took a discouragement and willfully set it on another course.  I took the emptiness that I thought was meant to be filled by another child and filled it instead with becoming compassionate about writing, sharing, and inspiring.  I am all of this, and more, because I chose to be.

You have the same choice.  Be stagnant or infuse your life with the traits of a warrior.  Stay complacent or ignite your personal spirit and power.  Feel like a victim or curb the negativity and engulf yourself with willful positivity.

The willful warrior?  It is you, and the warrior always Wins at Life.

Andrea

Andrea F. Harkins, is a writer, motivator, life coach, martial artist, and public speaker. Her book, The Martial Arts Woman, will be published later this year. Andrea is Internationally known for her positivity through martial arts efforts and outreach, and her writing. She is currently a columnist for Martial Arts Illustrated UK, The Martial Arts Guardian (UK), the World Martial Arts Magazine, MASUCCESS, Conflict Manager, The Parrish Village News, and her blog, The Martial Arts Woman.  Contact her through this website’s CONTACT ME page for information on public speaking, autographs, and life coaching.