Not long ago, I was not “The Martial Arts Woman.”

I was just a lady who wanted to find a way to share her martial arts training and help people apply a martial art mindset to their lives; a better, more positive way of thinking for everyone.  It’s a big undertaking and I’ve learned a lot along the way about myself and about others.

The world needs encouragement and inspiration. I had no idea initially how to intertwine those concepts into my martial arts and life experiences, but I did know that it was an effort I had to pursue.  Somewhere beneath my roles as mom and wife, employee and teacher, sits a much deeper level.  In peeling each layer back in myself, I began to notice a big difference in people.  Some have lost their drive or ambition and others take each moment and mold it into something creative, productive, refreshing, and valuable.  That is what I wanted. Creative. Productive. Refreshing. Valuable.  What about you? The other lesson I learned is this:

It is not enough to tread life like water.

It’s not enough to tread when a little motivation can get you where you want to be:

• A little further down the river.
• A little closer to your dream.
• A little nearer to your fulfillment.

Shake the dust off your dreams.  Be prepared to create the you that you want others to know-  beneath the layers, beyond the commitments, responsibilities, and difficulties.  If you want to make a difference in your own life or in others, you must cultivate a presence.  How? Well, I’m glad you asked.

Direction:  Who exactly do you want to be?

How do you want others to see you?  Do you need some type of schooling, training, or learning to take place first?  Don’t be fooled into thinking that dreams stop at any certain part of your life.  They don’t have to.  Just because I am 52 years old does not mean that there’s not many, many things I still want to do or try.  I’m not going to give up or stop pursuing just because of my age or any other self-imposed limitations.

My direction includes writing, but moving past that, I want to up the outreach and I’m hoping to start doing more public speaking where I can just stand in front of people and let them know what I’ve learned and how it can help them.  I’m not completely polished.  I have some work to do.  That is not going to sway me.  I’ll grab our cheap video camera and set it up and critique it afterwards.  I can’t let fears get in my way:  What if they don’t like it? Should I really do this?  My time is already really committed in my life.

No.  If I want to be seen as a polished speaker and a person who genuinely wants to help others, I must start now.  This is a lesson that is never too early to understand.

Age means nothing when it comes to goal-setting.  Kids in school can learn to set goals.  If you have children, ask them what they want to be when they grow up.  If they are not prompted to think about it throughout their lives, they may never identify goals as a priority.  They can change their mind a million times, but as long as they realize that they can work toward goals, they will be headed in the right direction.

For you martial artists out there, what goals do you have?  Did you stop dreaming once you were awarded your black belt?  Have you thought outside the box at all? I have found opportunities that I never expected:  writing, blogging, podcasts, videos, and public speaking. The only reason I began any of these endeavors is because I constantly seek and identify new goals.  The biggest goal that directed me to ignite all of these fires was to help others Win at Life.  I feel I am successfully accomplishing that mission. I knew nothing about doing any of these other things, but a year later, I feel good that I’ve developed the person I’ve always wanted to be, and how I want others to see me.

Strengths: To cultivate your presence, you need to identify some of your key strengths.  Notice, I did not say identify your weaknesses.  You don’t even need to think about those.  Tuck them away to not be part of this at all experiment at all.

There are so many strengths that each of you has. You have to take a few moments…a few quiet and undisturbed moments, to come up with a list of good, solid strengths. Maybe some of these descriptors highlight who you are:

• Entrepreneurial
• Compassionate
• Friendly
• Humorous
• A good communicator
• Passionate
• Curious
• Well-trained in an area/expert
• A good debater
• Nurturing
• Creative
• Detail Oriented
• Organized

This is just a very small list of some great characteristics or strengths that you may have. Take your goals and your strengths and mesh them together.  This will start to reveal the real person inside just waiting to be recognized.  You don’t need to be outgoing to start to filter your image.  It is not about making you who you are not, but helping you become who you are or who you want to be.

Martial arts are a great example because you can apply your existing strengths to your art.  Your competitive spirit? Well, that’s a natural fit.  Hey! You like working out! Wow! You are really flexible!  Karate is also an awesome way to discover strengths that you never knew you had.  Either way, your strengths get even stronger.

Once you strategically organize your strengths, you will be closer to the next step, which is presenting yourself in a new and exciting light.

Play the Part:

I’ve had many experiences, good and bad, and through them all, I’ve persevered.  I played a “part,” though, during those rough times.  I covered up when I was struggling and never showed my doubts or my concerns.  I never let worry affect what I had to do.  I played the part of being completely happy and confident even when things seemed to be falling apart around me. Did I want to be seen as a woman who is struggling, or a woman who is empowered and can overcome when faced with difficult challenges?  The latter.

Why?  Why act like everything is normal and wonderful when it is not?

There are several reasons and of course, burdening others with my issues ranks up there pretty high.  What really happened though is that I set the stage for myself.  I knew that one day some of these obstacles would dissipate.  Surely I would not be struggling forever.  One day I would pop through the dark cloud and what would I look like then?  Worn or Ready?  I always appeared professional and strong.  People saw me as having my life pulled together because that is what I presented. When some of the bigger burdens lifted, I was exactly who they already knew.

In fact, after playing this role for a while, I started feeling like I had my life in order.

That is the beauty of playing the “role” of the person you want others to see.  I started “The Martial Arts Woman” as a way for others to see me as the experienced, successful martial artist that I am.  Not until I implemented that persona did people even realize that I existed. Now “The Martial Arts Woman” really is who I am.

Whomever you want to be, start now.

Start to play the role of the person you see inside, the person you want to become, and the person you want others to see. Is it a talented musician, a writer, an athlete, an artist, a great father, a friend, a famous actor? Amazingly, you can become that person if you start to play the part now. Don’t lie about who you are (don’t proclaim to be some famous athlete, or a well-known public speaker), but look the part.  Dress the part.  You must know who you want to be in order to get started.

So, my secret is out! In order to cultivate a great presence for yourself you must have direction, identify and utilize your strengths, and play the part.  It’s that easy.  I am grateful every day that I have this opportunity to be the person I’ve always wanted to be; to be able to express myself creatively through writing and martial arts, and to help others.

Deep down, I’m still just me; but finally I am known as the martial arts practitioner and writer that I have been for a really long time.  By playing the part, I now fit the part.  I stand out because I’ve cultivated a presence that combines who I am with whom I aspire to be.

If you want to be a professional, then dress and act like one before you become one.  This way you are setting yourself up to become that professional.  People will start to see you as the way you appear. If you want to be an expert of any sort, take the steps now that will lead you there.

My final advice to you is this:  Don’t just be “good” at something.  Good is okay.  Good is mediocre.

• Study just a little more and get really good.
• Focus and streamline and get even better.
• Know and understand and be great.
• Live it, breathe it, share it, and be exceptional.

You can be exactly whom you’ve always wanted to be when you take the time to cultivate your presence.  What’s astounding is that it requires very little.  Start with what I’ve outlined here and you’ll be on your way.  Remember, the key is to be proactive and create and cultivate your presence first; the rest will fall into place.

As I finish up my first year as “The Martial Arts Woman” I can see that I have grown in leaps in bounds.  Not just as a writer or a martial artist, but as me.  I have stretched and reached and landed far ahead of where I ever imagined.  I know that you can do the very same.

Good luck in your new endeavor to cultivate your presence and Win at Life.  I can’t wait to hear the results…

Andrea