Have you ever had a day when life feels like it is working against you, for whatever reason? Expectations are uprooted, emotions are volatile, and anger brews right below the surface. Whatever the problem, conflict, or difficulty, it weighs on you. You feel slighted and unappreciated. You want to shut down, keep it all inside, and push it away, and when you do that, anger and frustration begin to control who you are. You’re traveling down a path that is riddled with negative reactions.

I’ve learned a lot about conflict recently, and why how you react is so important. Win or lose, there are good and bad behaviors that we can exhibit. I think we can all think of examples of how not to react. Yelling, demeaning another, or even taking so hard a stance and never backing down, are emotionally charged reactions, but not the best ways to cope with a situation.

Unexpected events, circumstances and misfortunes are not easy, fun, or convenient but they should never shake the core of who you are. You must always remain grounded and remember that although certain behaviors seem warranted, and you are free to “feel” however you feel, actions and abrupt decisions have consequences. Once you allow yourself to take a drastic action, it can never be undone. Your reputation and your character can be diminished in that single moment. In the end, rash reactions only hurt one person, and that is you.

I love martial arts because they are all about reactions, and they are a great parallel to life. Even within a fighting art, for example, where you could witness angry reactions, there is, instead,  respect and courtesy. Even within a sparring match, there is humility. This proves that even in a volatile moment, control of one’s emotions is important.

Many martial artists believe that you are taught to fight so that you don’t have to fight. In life, taking the high road alludes to the fact that you take the actions that allow you to move past the problem while maintaining your self-truth and integrity. That is my definition, anyway. It does not mean that you allow others to take advantage of you, or that you should not make your opinion known.

There are actions and behaviors that you can take that will always allow you to maintain your integrity, character, and demeanor, no matter what the circumstance. Use effective communication, but never lower your own personal standards and beliefs. The fights and battles in your life require reactions that don’t paralyze you, but help you prioritize your next move.

Think about a martial artist who finds himself in a pending altercation. Should he be prepared to physically fight, knowing he can win, because his training gives him the upper hand? He can smash the person to shreds, or do the kind of damage that will cause the person permanent injury, but is it the right choice? If someone’s threats are imminent and you need to protect yourself, a physical defense may be your only chance.  Sometimes, though, walking away from the fight is the safest and the most courageous choice.

The high road is high for a reason. It requires thought, practice, and patience, and humility. If we blew all of that to the wind, and did whatever we wanted, and responded however we felt, well….I think we see some of that happening today with all of the strife in our world. Because everything is instantaneous, we forget that we have the gift of thought, the human spirit, and the option to make the right decisions, respect ourselves, others, and the world around us.

I remember when one of my sons was a young boy. We were in a store and he said something to me that was appalling. I can’t remember what it was, but I do recall rapidly slapping him across the face with my bare hand. On a normal day, under normal circumstances, I don’t think I would ever be that rash about a situation, but that day, all bets were off. I had a bad day which only grew into a worse day, and by the time it came to taking care of him, I was already over the edge. The warning signs were there, but I failed to address them. I could have just as easily taken a deep breath and said, “We will discuss this at home.” My action was probably warranted, but there may have been a better way to deal with it.

If you are a parent, you know that parenthood is not easy. Some things you do exactly right, other times you question yourself, and on occasion you do something you regret. Like many lessons, you learn the hard way. Your emotions can get out of hand, depending on what else has happened recently. Understanding the warning signs in your own personality go a long way toward assessing whether particular fights or battles are actually worthy your attention.

In sparring training, things could utterly get out of control, but they don’t. Why is that? Because the fight is not as much about physically beating the opponent as it is about fighting the right way. Control, focus, decision-making, effective use of skills, and the ability to recognize an opening to score a point, become the motivating factors. Yes, being able to fight to save your life is important. Training, after all, is about honing martial art skills for effective use.  After the match, you bow, and you move on. That show of respect is not training of a martial art skill or technique, but rather training in taking the high road.

On a rare occasion, I realize that I still carry a tiny bit of anger from a time in my past. I suppose I would not be human, if not. It always creeps back into my mind, especially when newer, unexpected disappointments arise. I do at times feel anger and frustrated, but when push comes to shove, it is the high road that guides my decisions. I try to not allow a circumstance to control my behaviors, but instead assess the situation, and resolve it in the best way that I can.

Not every conflict has a happy ending or is easy to resolve. Sometimes there is no amicable solution. Allow yourself time to heal, mend, or accept, and then lift your head again and climb back up to the high road. You must use the right mindset to travel the high road with confidence. Conflict, discouragement, or even the misguided actions of others, should never derail you. With that in mind, the high road will always be available.

As you walk through life, and as you experience the ups and downs, and face good and bad times, believe that each moment has a reason, and that each circumstance allows you to learn more about who you are.  There is a positive in every negative, more than one solution to every problem, and an array of responses for each situation. You have the power to choose.

The high road has many road signs to guide you. Stop. Caution. Yield. Blind Curve. Use these to guide you in the right direction in your life. Before you know it, you will be smoothly traveling life’s highway with a perspective and outlook that allows you to continually move forward, no matter what occurs that could slow you down.

You are the only one who can create the attitude with which you want to live your life. Like learning a martial art, life has many twists and turns, but in both, the high road has a clear and distinct message. Always remain the person you want to be on the inside, no matter what outside influences impact your life. If you are a martial artist, you are bound by an even higher standard by virtue of your role. People will always look up to you because of your skills and your magical martial art aura. Never let one bad moment overshadow all of your diligent work.

I know why only a select few follow the high road, because it takes effort to stay on it. Still, those who choose the high road never question if they did the right thing. They know they are traveling a road that never ends, and more importantly, it is a road leads them exactly where they want and need to go. Taking the high road is worth it.

xoxo

Andrea

 

My new book, The Martial Arts Woman, is now available. Purchase through my e-commerce store: http://themartialartswoman.storenvy.com/ or on Amazon!

The Martial Arts Woman shares the stories and insights of more than twenty-five women in the martial arts, and how they apply martial arts to their lives. Unlike most other martial art books, the reader will catch a glimpse into the brave and empowered woman who dares to be all that she can be. Many of these women had to overcome great societal or personal challenges to break into the men’s world of martial arts. This book will motivate and inspire you to go after your goals in life and to fight through every challenge and defeat every obstacle. The Martial Arts Woman will open your eyes to the power of the human spirit and the martial art mindset that dwells in each of us!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: 

Andrea F. Harkins is a  writer, motivator, life coach, martial artist, and public speaker. Her book, The Martial Arts Woman, is now available at themartialartswoman.storenvy.com or on Amazon!

Andrea is Internationally known for her positivity through martial arts efforts and outreach, and her writing. She is currently a columnist for Martial Arts Illustrated UK, The Martial Arts Guardian (UK), the World Martial Arts Magazine, MASUCCESS, Conflict Manager, Martial Arts Business (Australia), The Parrish Village News, and her blog, The Martial Arts Woman.  Contact her through this website’s CONTACT ME page for information on public speaking, autographs, and life coaching.